Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Tired

So, just checking to see if others on here have had the same experience I'm having. I'm tired of the "race". Even before my wife passed away a few weeks ago, I started noticing that I was really tired of going to work, paying the bills and just basically treading water. Don't get me wrong, I know that I am lucky to have my health, some nice things and live in the greatest country in the world. But I'm tired of it all. I've thought seriously about chucking it all and just taking the bike and bumming around the country, kinda like the old movie "Bronson". (Pure fantasy and wouldn't work anyways?) But first, I had to take care of my sickly wife, which I have done for five years. And now, my mother is failing (early dementia), so I am spending a lot of time taking care of her situation. I am just feeling trapped in a never ending cycle of working, paying the taxes, paying the bills and taking care of my responsibilities. And again, I am fully aware that many people have it much worse. Still, even though it's TOTALLY impractible, I want to chuck it all and do something different. Another state, another situation, another country, SOMETHING. Any of my friends on here ever been here? Any advice or insight welcomed. Thanks.

I'm with you. My bones wore out before I was ready to give in and I left the only work that ever brought me joy. That same bone damage made riding a pain after 20 minutes and I ended up selling my motorcycles to younger men. Both parents are deep into the last stages of dementia and I'm just lucky I have brothers and a sister to help spread the responsibilities and even luckier that mom and dad planned ahead. But it does bring on a mantle of sadness that is hard to get beyond and I haven't surmounted that bit just yet. So,yeah, I think about "getting away" but I'm finding that ditching the screens, handheld or gigantic, really mitigates the down moments. There's a lot to see outside of my comfort zone, I feel I just need to adapt, but on the backside of 60 that ain't easy.

Been there done that. When my wife passed away unexpectedly about 5 yrs ago it hit me pretty hard. I came home from work and found her dead on the floor from a heart attack, I do still have that vision in my head at times but now I have control over it, not the other way around. As a preacher who was also a co-worker at the prison I worked at told me "No one but you can get you through this, not god, not friends, not family, just you." He was right. I looked in the mirror one day and told myself that yes she is dead but you are not, now act like it. One thing I did that really helped was I got rid of all TV programming, don't let yourself get caught sitting in front of that damn TV screen. One thing I can say though even after almost 5 yrs is that it doesn't get easier, it just gets different.

I think at least for myself once you reach a certain age you realize your own mortality.I turned 60 this year and I think back to my childhood and earlier teens, the mistakes I made that charted my course in life.
The things I should have , could have done differently. We look around us and see our family and loved ones struggling and passing with disease. I just lost and old friend last weekend who dropped dead of a heart attack at 57.
Yeah man I can relate to not fully understanding why we are here pushing the stone down the road everyday until we can no longer push the stone.
I would love to take off on the road and ride back to some great time in my past, obviously we can't do that.

I've come to the realization I'm here not for myself but for others, is it fate or just circumstances. I'm not sure.
What I do know is somehow this old craggy bastard managed to raise a wonderful family. Two great sons who are fine family men in their own right. Three beautiful granddaughters that think I hung the moon.

With that I find myself a bit more cautious with my own activities understanding I'm here for others who need my guidance as long as I am of sound mind and body to offer it.

Rich, I feel for you brother. Loosing your wife, your soul mate has to be very difficult. I cant imagine the pain and loneliness you must be feeling.
Continue to check in with us here on the forum, and if your heath permits attend all the rally's you can.

Mike

I'm tired of it too. I did what you are suggesting when I was younger. Sleeping bag, few clothes and my bike, worked when I could for food and gas.

If you still have your health and have always thought you might like to see America on a motorcycle , then now is the time . It sounds like you have lived loved and been loved , there are many who never have felt that so consider yourself fortunate !! Now is your time to do things that you shelved because of responsibility ! You are to be admired for living your life but we should never die with regrets . I wish I would have done this or that is not a bad thing to think when you are raising a family but now is your time . You paid your dues and you cannot regret that , it sounds like you have done for others for many yrs and that is a good thing but life must go on . Enjoy it for your time will come . It sounds like you have a wonderful family that loves you and if that is true , they will understand . You are truly one of the lucky ones , to have known love and to have loved is more rare then you know . Maybe start with some shorter rides , say 1k miles just pick a destination that you have always thought about , go for a week or two and when you return you will feel refreshed and you will be a better person to your loved ones . It's your time to enjoy !!!

Eeh! Just sounds as if all you need is a little pick-me-up here, Rich ol' boy!

Yep, it seems you've just been a bit tired, listless and rundown lately, and understandably so of course.

Well then, I think the following little lady here JUST might have the answer to your problems here...








Yep, just a couple of spoonfulls of Vitametavegamin should have you up and ready to tackle the world again in no time at all!

(...and word is it's so tasty TOO!)

I know what you mean Rich, I've just gone through a couple of tough months,with more ahead of getting both my Mother and my Aunt into a nursing home.The amount of work involved is horrendous.I sleep but wake up tired.I'm waking up at 2.00 a.m. every morning thinking of the paperwork and running around I need to do.with my one busted knee and the ligaments gone in the other,my back,tendons to both my thumbs giving me trouble. I'm tired out.Seems many of us are in the same boat.I've only been on my bike twice in two months for a tiny 70km ride each time!Boo to getting old!

Hey Rich,
As others have said you are not on your own. we all go through this mid life crisis in varying degrees.

I have been there and went to the quacks, his first suggestion was pills etc. NOPE not going there, his next and best advice was that I was now on the mend as I had recognized the problem. You have now taken that first step, and I commend you for opening up here.

As Bruce said above only you can fix it, but you will need support, and you obviously have that from all the friends on this forum.

So as we all move forward it appears that we will no longer be seeking advice on our rides, but on how we ride life.

You mentioned moving, even to another country, great idea, not permanently, but do some travel, gain other aspects on life, meet new people etc. That's one of the things I did and found it most rewarding. In fact I even met up with Dwight. So if you decide to come downunda look me up, only too pleased to show you some hospitality.

Thanks for the kind words fellas. It's like Mike said, I'm tired of pushing the stone down the road. Can't really escape though. A few weeks before my wife passed away, my Mom was diagnosed with early onset dementia. I'm mostly her only family, (my son and daughter do help out some but they are both busy young people)and I have to make sure she takes her memory medicine every day. And regular meals. And remind her to put her pants on. Grocery shopping and so forth. Not being negative, just realistic. I wish I wasn't so far behind at work. REALLY like to take a week long bike trip somewhere. Texas maybe. Thanks again, friends.

As they told me when I was starting to get worn out with this stuff.Just get out on the bike.Start with an hour or two ride.Just try to zone out for a while.Just shut the door and open the throttle.Amazing how a couple of hours will help.It did me anyway.All the best Rich!

Hey, I'm semi retired....64 and still riding 18000 miles a year.
It's an attitude of mind.
Though it also aches a bit sometimes. Got back yesterday from a 500 mile ride .
Bloody wet .
It's England.

Hey Rich! Maybe a little ride out to scenic and picturesque Sedona Arizona here and then maybe to that big ol' hole in the ground known as The Grand Canyon might be in order?

And if you decide it might, then you'd have a place to stay free of charge for a few days, ya know.

(...and while I haven't been able to get my hands on any Vitameatavegamin for some time now, I do have a bar filled with other liquid pick-me-ups which might be just as helpful)

rally at Dwight's place!!

Hey! If you two are serious here, then just give me the dates and I'll be sure to get the time off from that little part-time shuttle driving gig this here geezer has in his retirement years!

can i fly in & borrow a bike?

maybe it's time to renew the SWTF, Dwight

Rich, this will sound painfully practical, but get thee to a physician. It may be grief, the stress of everything you've been dealing with and a bit of wanderlust, but rule out any medical issues first. Then step back and indulge yourself in some ME time. Sometimes, just a week's separation from the daily grind is enough to clear your mind and get things back in synch.

Don't be reluctant to ask for help with your mom. There are plenty of very good organizations to help. My mom lives 400+ miles away and when she started slipping about 3 years ago, we moved her and her cat into a senior living apartment (she's 96 now). Almost immediately, the burden of worry was gone, knowing that she had people around her and didn't have to drive or cook anymore. Being with friends all day, she's now healthier and more active than she was 5 years ago.

Rich, Get yourself checked out, Depression is a serious disease, even mild. Like a alcoholic, just recognizing it is half the problem.
Prayers still going your way.

Yeah Rich, talking to someone, and it just occurred to me that you are doing that here, can be critical. I have been completely shat up career wise here for the last 3 plus years, but I am not giving up. As evidence, I have recently accepted a new gig that will move us to California next Summer. Never give up.

Again, thank you my friends. Yeah, I know, I recognize the signs of depression. After all, I used to TEACH this stuff in an AP psychology class! Gonna have to stick it out a while longer cause if I lose any more work days I'm gonna be in OTHER kinds of trouble. Seriously, I think I can handle it. Back to the Dwight scenario. Doooooooon't tempt me, my friend! If'n I had the money I'd sure give it a shot! And thanks for the offer. Means a lot to me.

I have been avoiding this thread. Just don't know what to type. Looking for that magic sentence to make it all sound right. To make it all seem better. I got nothing. Nothing except you just keep typing it all out here and you will find a group of people that care about what you are feeling.

You are not alone.

Cant' sleep tonight. So back to the Dwight "rally". I think they have a festival out west called "Burning Man". We could call this rally "Smoldering Fella". And we SHOULD have some guidelines to go by. Like, keep the first inaugeral event down to a group of 50 or so. So's we don't tax his patience. And maybe limit the complimentary drinks to TWO. Just to be considerate of his generosity. We should probably find out how big his yard is, for those of us who might want to "tent". Finally, there was earlier talk of "flying out". Wonder if Dwight still has some of his connections to the airlines, so's we could maybe get a "group rate"? Hey....., maybe throw in some bike shipping, so those people wouldn't have to rent bikes when they got there! (Now I gotta go look up how much my Indian weighs, just in case I go that route.)

I don't see a single thing wrong with any of those ideas. I think the airport gives Dwight a check every month if he promises not to come back.

Hi...I haven't chimed in here so far as this subject area is my profession and, oddly, I've not wanted to go there....but.
Rich
You have more than enough on your plate to justify feeling pretty low and without energy or enthusiasm for life....it's an entirely human response to your situation.
In your shoes I'd probably be feeling the same and though, maybe, you'd score somewhere on a formal scale for 'depression' so would we all at times in our lives.
As for chucking it all in and hitting the road, that's understandable....though I'd caution against this right now. If it feels like ' running from' something rather than ' running to' something it might not solve your problems.
What does matter is that, if you let it, depressive thoughts will almost always lift in the end of their own accord....just takes time and good friends.
Get all the help and support you can find ...if you're having trouble with eating, sleeping or concentrating then maybe a trip to your Dr for some meds would be a help....after all if you're experiencing the above stuff it'll wear you out in itself...you need to be able to sleep well to recuperate.
Above all try to hang on to the belief that your mood will one day lift again....just not perhaps today.
My thoughts are with you.
Al

Well Rich, I couldn't sleep too well, it's 3:41 Ante Meridian EST and I thought I'd check in. You said "I am just feeling trapped in a never ending cycle of working, paying the taxes, paying the bills and taking care of my responsibilities." Two clichés come to mind: you are "stepping up to the plate" and not "throwing in the towel." That is commendable and responsible Sir. No act of responsibility goes unrewarded. There's been many sage and wise words spoken previously by caring and genuine people . You do need a respite from the toil, even if it's 10 minutes. Or maybe 10 days. Don't go it alone, there are a plethora of agencies, secular and religious that can assist. You're a lot like me, pile it on, I can take it, I can do more, keep trudging through the mire. It moves mountains, but eventually it will cause some breakage. Stay the course, you're doing the right thing. Get you some "me" time, and that's not selfish, I wrestle with this, "me" is the LAST person on my list, always has been. Don't ostracize yourself, stay close to people, this will give humans an opportunity to exhibit humanity.
I wrestle myself with questions of self worth and why I'm even here. But we are here for reasons beyond our comprehension. Stay the course, the harbor is just beyond the fog.

Rich, saddened to hear of your loss and can relate to how you feel.
I was married to my first wife for almost 23years before we divorced and then she went back to England and died in 2001, only two years after we split up.
You have to take time for yourself and put "YOU" first, then you will be able to help other people after you are in a better frame of mind.
They say "time heals" but everyone is different and i found that time "softens" the pain from before.
Remember all the times you had with your spouse and treasure them all, (even the tough times) its all relevant to you and grow daily AND reach out to people. Everyone thats been in your situation has their own feelings and deals with them differently but you can gain strength from other peoples experiences.
Keep her in your heart and talk to her, she is still by your side. I wish you all the best in the future, Des.

Rich, I can't fathom your loss and pain, but life is for the living and the best way to honor your wife would be to have a good life moving forward. I bet that is what she would want.