 Thanksgiving House rules (reposted)
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 246
Adjunct
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OP
Adjunct
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 246 |
I got this from someone else, but it was way too good to keep to myself.
10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat anything.
2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ****** down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them ****** pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not gonna tear my ****** house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses!
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a ******. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ****** home next year!
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing ****** well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ******!!
9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ****** home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE ****** OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ****** family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!
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 Re: Thanksgiving House rules (reposted)
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 246
Adjunct
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OP
Adjunct
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 246 |
Glad the original poster isn't in my family! Friends...gotta love 'em!
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Re: Thanksgiving House rules (reposted)
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 950
Banned
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Banned
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 950 |
Just WHO did make the potato salad anyway?
Thats funny and relevant,,should be posted on everyones door round this time of year!
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Re: Thanksgiving House rules (reposted)
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 154
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 154 |
Hmmm.....Kinda funny i guess but with a attitude like that, why have Thanksgiving?
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Re: Thanksgiving House rules (reposted)
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 18,825
"Lighten up, Francis."
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"Lighten up, Francis."
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 18,825 |
Anybody else just mentally substitute "crap" in for all the asterisks since that's like the only swear word that isn't blocked? It doesn't work for all of them, but it's kinda funny.
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Re: Thanksgiving House rules (reposted)
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,482 Likes: 5
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,482 Likes: 5 |
I like #6 
'04' Black America
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Re: Thanksgiving House rules (reposted)
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11,124 Likes: 13
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11,124 Likes: 13 |
10 is inconsistent with 5 
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Re: Thanksgiving House rules (reposted)
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,457
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,457 |
11. Close the drapes and don't answer the door.
Our best Thanksgiving was when we went to Luby's cafeteria. The kids were babies and we were tired.
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Re: Thanksgiving House rules (reposted)
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 8,393 Likes: 1
Second Wind
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Second Wind
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 8,393 Likes: 1 |
thank God for thanks giving. I am glad my family consists of my mom, my brother, my wife, and my childrens. no need for the big hullabaloo.
I have no faith in human perfectability. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.
Edgar Allan Poe
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