 Cops say the darndest things...
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Learned Hand
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These are suppose to be actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: 16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.' 15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.' 14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.' 13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.' 12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.' 11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?' 10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?' 9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. ' 8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?' 7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.' 6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.' 5'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.' 4'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.' 3'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?' 2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.' AND THE WINNER IS.... 1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here. __________________ OUCH! 
Howbeit when He, the Spirit of truth, is come; He will guide you in all truth:
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Loquacious
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Loquacious
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cop - I've been waiting for you all day.
speeder - I got here as fast as I could.
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The cop approached the car and he asked "Maam do you know why I pulled you over?" With a big smile she replied "Sure, you are selling tickets to the policeman's ball."
He then said, "Mam, I am a State Trooper, we don't have balls."
Stewart
.......
"It's outside your field of expertise."
"Poppycock normally is."
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Complete Newb
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Complete Newb
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I was a cop for 30 yrs and believe it or not, on several occasions, someone I stopped for a traffic violation would say to me..."You shouldn't be giving me a ticket...I pay your salary!" My standard reply was......"Then, I suppose this is a bad time to ask for a raise."
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Feb 2005
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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Quote:
...."Then, I suppose this is a bad time to ask for a raise."
I LOVE IT!!! 
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Feb 2008
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3/4 Throttle
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3/4 Throttle
Joined: Feb 2008
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I always remember back when I was in the army and posted to an airforce base. One day I went into town with a mate who was in the airforce during a lunch break in his car. We were both in uniform and to be honest he was a bit of a speed demon when it come to driving. Well the inevitable happened and he got pulled over by a traffic copper. I nearly peed myself when the copper peered in and said "what's the problem wing commander - having trouble taking off are we?"  Luckily the copper was ex army and let him off with a warning because despite speeding it wasn't neccessarily excessive. I think he was just waiting to use that line and we provided the opportunity.
Before the war on terror, if I saw an unattended package I used to think "I'll be having that!"
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Oct 2008
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Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
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In this day and age...I don't like cops at all and I don't trust them one bit. Yes, there are ONE OR TWO good cops out there but the rest of them are crooked, warped, corrupt, beat up as children, and so on... Then there's their egotistical issues with women and firearms. I have couple cops in my family, including my twin brother(no longer a cop due to his own stupid ego power moves as a cop), and know the life and the ropes of being a cop and I won't think otherwise until this world gets it's values back together again. Just my two cents...
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Sep 2007
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Learned Hand
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OP
Learned Hand
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Quote:
In this day and age...I don't like cops at all and I don't trust them one bit. Yes, there are ONE OR TWO good cops out there but the rest of them are crooked, warped, corrupt, beat up as children, and so on... Then there's their egotistical issues with women and firearms. I have couple cops in my family, including my twin brother(no longer a cop due to his own stupid ego power moves as a cop), and know the life and the ropes of being a cop and I won't think otherwise until this world gets it's values back together again. Just my two cents...
Whoah. Tell us what you really think. 
Howbeit when He, the Spirit of truth, is come; He will guide you in all truth:
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Jan 2009
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Adjunct
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Adjunct
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A cop in Ireland stopped a guy who was speeding along the center of the road.
The cop said to the guy –
I suppose your going to tell me you have a licence to speed.
The guy replied – Well the fact is - I have and produced his licence.
The cop look at the licence and said – this is a standard licence – the guy says – look at the bottom of the licence where is says
TEAR ALONG THE BROKEN LINE
May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows your dead
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Oct 2008
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Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
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A cop pulls a guy over who's had too much to drink. When asked to walk the white line the man replied, "I don't do those kinds of tricks without a net"
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
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I have to admit that I like cops... I think they're great... when they're doing their job and solving crimes instead of raising revenue. 
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Jun 2007
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Adjunct
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Adjunct
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Quote:
Quote:
In this day and age...I don't like cops at all and I don't trust them one bit. Yes, there are ONE OR TWO good cops out there but the rest of them are crooked, warped, corrupt, beat up as children, and so on... Then there's their egotistical issues with women and firearms. I have couple cops in my family, including my twin brother(no longer a cop due to his own stupid ego power moves as a cop), and know the life and the ropes of being a cop and I won't think otherwise until this world gets it's values back together again. Just my two cents...
Whoah. Tell us what you really think.
Agreed. It's a very corrupt political game anymore.
Aaron
04 "Green Bean" Freaked, AI removal, Bafflectomy, 6" Risers, and 30" Drag Bars.
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Oct 2008
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Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
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TRUE STORY: Just yesterday, my wife and I went to Gordman's and 3 police cars were outside. Wife says, "Uh Oh, someone's in trouble." Well, I park the car and as we're walking in...a single cop walks out with two attractive females in their latter teens, maybe 20. While passing I hear the cop say...and I quote, "I could hold you and press charges if I wanted to but I'm not. So I'm doing something for you, but that means you have to do something for me now. You understand."  hmmm...wonder what he meant by that? uh...the store presses charges, not the cops.
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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Quote:
In this day and age...I don't like cops at all and I don't trust them
The law isn't based on morality, so swearing to uphold it means abandoning one's obligation to always act in a moral manner. You can't trust anyone who's agreed to that.
'08 America Blue/White; Custom Headlamps, Custom Lowers, Clearview 20", Bafflectomy
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,048
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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Quote:
In this day and age...I don't like cops at all and I don't trust them one bit. Yes, there are ONE OR TWO good cops out there but the rest of them are crooked, warped, corrupt, beat up as children, and so on... Then there's their egotistical issues with women and firearms. I have couple cops in my family, including my twin brother(no longer a cop due to his own stupid ego power moves as a cop), and know the life and the ropes of being a cop and I won't think otherwise until this world gets it's values back together again. Just my two cents...
one or two? I guess we know what your 2 cents are worth
01010100 01110010 01101001 01110101 01101101 01110000 01101000 <3
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Feb 2005
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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Quote:
The law isn't based on morality....
Well Jackson, if that's TRUE, then I say, it's a DARN GOOD THING then!!!
Yep! 'Cause I'm kind'a thinkin' that maybe, JUST maybe, laws ought'a be based on a sense of "fairness" and maybe EVEN 'equality"!!!
Uh HUH!!! And ya wanna know WHY I kind'a feel that way! It's 'cause...the idea of "Morality" tends to more often then not be MIS-associated with another whole concept out there...one's PERSONAL religious beliefs, which OFTEN DON'T belong in the PUBLIC ARENA!!!
And trust me here dude...I've lived long enough to have observed that QUITE OFTEN some of the most "religious" folks out there, INCLUDING COPS, aren't exactly the most "moral" indiviuals you'll ever have occasion to run into.
(and that's MY 2% of a friggin' dollar, folks!...and so what say we NOW RETURN to the JOKES here, HUH?!)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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And sooooo....in THAT CASE, I've got one here that goes waaaaaay back....
Cop - "Not ONLY does it appear you've had a few too many here sir, BUT you were ALSO driving the wrong way down a one way street here TOO, and evidently didn't see all the ARROWS pointing the OPPOSITE WAY you were driving???
Drunk - "ARROWS, Ossifer??? Heck! I didn't know this was INJUN TERRITORY!!!"
(I TOLD YA this one goes waaaaaay back, DIDN'T I???)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 18,825
"Lighten up, Francis."
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"Lighten up, Francis."
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 18,825 |
Dwight, you mentioned the R word. That's two minutes in the penalty box for you.
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Feb 2005
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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Well SHOOT!!! Then I suppose it's REALLY a good thing that I didn't mention anything about that new [fin-challanged] Triumph motorcycle that's supposed to be comin' out real soon TOO then, huh?!
(THEN I'm guessin' that the Commissioner of the League 'round here would'a probably hit me with a 3 game suspension here TOO, huh?!....sorry)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Member
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Well, it's been a while since I have posted, so I guess I feel the need to add my two cents. Now understand what is said about opinions, mine included. I have been a cop for twenty years. I am a third generation cop. I can say that my grandfather, father and I have all served faithfully and honorably. Like any job there are good and bad. Hopefully Dunnspeed has only seen a few of the bad out there. I have worked with cops who I feel should not have been put in their positions. All employers make those mistakes. I am sure that everyone here can think of someone who should not be doing the job they are doing, no matter what the profession. Everyone loves a fireman, and look at how many get caught setting fires because they want to be a hero. Y'all know what it says on the diplomas of the folks who graduate last in their medical class, dont you? "Doctor." I am not going to one of them any time soon. It is the same for lawyers. I am proud to be a cop and proud to work with some of the finest men and women in the profession. There. I am now stepping off my soapbox. I guess I will not be welcome on some rides, but so be it.
Rick Brown
Detective
Nevada
Proud owner of a 2008 America and somewhat less proud newer member of this site.
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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You're always welcome to ride with me. I don't care what you do for a living. The point of this thread was humor, not opinions on cops. The point of riding is to ride. 
Howbeit when He, the Spirit of truth, is come; He will guide you in all truth:
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Feb 2005
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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NAH!!! Don't worry Rick!!! We invite ALL motorcycle ridin' LEOs to fully participate and join into the festivities each and every year at the...SOUTHWEST TRIUMPH FEST in PRESCOTT ARIZONA!!!  And for details just go to the Rally Forum at this very website! (man...I'm LOVIN' these opportunties I'm seein' lately for these shameless plugs o' mine here) 
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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Quote:
Quote:
The law isn't based on morality....
Well Jackson, if that's TRUE, then I say, it's a DARN GOOD THING then!!!
Yep! 'Cause I'm kind'a thinkin' that maybe, JUST maybe, laws ought'a be based on a sense of "fairness" and maybe EVEN 'equality"!!!
You've just named two constituents of morality. I said nothing about religion. The parallel between morality and religion is a common misconception, a holdover from the days when people were forbidden to think for themselves.
If you prefer, just replace my reference to "morality" with the phrase "doing the right thing." It's necessary to distinguish that from the law, which is an entirely different concept.
'08 America Blue/White; Custom Headlamps, Custom Lowers, Clearview 20", Bafflectomy
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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Yep! I'm in total agreement with ya here, Jackson ol' boy!
But watch it, dude!...this here Penalty Box I'm sittin' in right now ain't got much room left over for YOUR carcass TOO!
(BTW...did ya hear the one about the cop askin' the drunk if he noticed the arrows on the one-way street???....OH! You did already, huh?!...okay, never mind then)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Jan 2009
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Adjunct
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Adjunct
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Quote:
I guess I will not be welcome on some rides, but so be it.
Why is that Rick? In my opinion each individual stands or falls on their own merit regardless of all other considerations. I get along with most everyone based on mutual respect. If you were there to enjoy the bikes, the rides, and the company of other enthusiasts, relax and enjoy. However if you were checking helmets, measuring exhaust levels, or examining registrations and insurance... well suffice to say different story. A matter of dealing with a person or a badge. I disagree with old Dwrong ()on a few issues, yet am trying to make it down to his place for the SW fest anyway.
Quote:
Proud owner of a 2008 America and somewhat less proud newer member of this site.
Again I ask why? I like this place, but feel no pride due to the association. Fun is fun, and it is generally fun to be here. Some opinions I agree with, others I don't. Opinions reflect on the individual rather than the site as a whole anyway. Lighten up man.
2018 FLHCS
2014 Surly Straggler - 16,000 miles and counting!
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Feb 2005
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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"Dwrong"???!!! Hey! I know a couple couple o' guys who I think were stationed at that Air Base around '68 or so!!!
(wasn't that just right down the Ho Chi Minh Trail from Saigon???)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Bar Shake
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Bar Shake
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Please don't take it personal Shamus. Someone hijacked a thread meant for humor, to rant. I think you will find most here are pro law enforcement. We have several officers on the site. I have a friend I met here on the site, Angelis, who is a state trooper and there is even a ADA in Arizona who is a long time member. So enjoy and maybe you could make the southwest Rally and meet Dwight. Now there is a character worth riding with. 
"Catching a yellow jacket in your shirt at seventy miles per hour can double your vocabulary" Author unknown
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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"Lighten up, Francis."
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"Lighten up, Francis."
Joined: Jan 2005
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As a stand-up member of the Moderator Corps I would never, EVER, add fuel to the fire... http://twitter.com/cops_gone_bad
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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Okay John! Take off that striped shirt you're a wearin' there and join me in this Penalty Box here!!!
(so tell me...why would you link THAT to this thread just as we seem to have returned it back to a more lighthearted nature?)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Feb 2007
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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Quote:
In this day and age...I don't like cops at all and I don't trust them one bit. Yes, there are ONE OR TWO good cops out there but the rest of them are crooked, warped, corrupt, beat up as children, and so on... Then there's their egotistical issues with women and firearms. I have couple cops in my family, including my twin brother(no longer a cop due to his own stupid ego power moves as a cop), and know the life and the ropes of being a cop and I won't think otherwise until this world gets it's values back together again. Just my two cents...
I agree, I deal with them all the time when out towing. There are a few good humored nice cops out there but it seems the power trip "I'll do what ever I want" cops out number them. It also seems the female cops have the biggest chip on their shoulders.
I learned all I need to know about life by killing smart people and eating their brains.
Eat right ,Exercise ,Stay fit, Die Anyway!
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Hey y'all, sorry about my rant. I love cop humor as much as the rest. I guess I am just sick of all the crap talking about how corrupt we all are. I dont like being lumped in with POS's in this profession. Just like I am sure we, as riders, dont like being lumped in with the people who make our sport/pastime/lifestyle seem bad. Unfortunately, in my current position, I have had to investigate fellow cops for misdeeds and criminal acts. They do not get any special treatment and I have arrested those who needed arresting. I was also taking out a bit of frustration caused by our wonderful governor. He has told us (Nevada LEO's) that we will not fly flags, at state facilities at half staff, and we will not shroud our badges in honor of the Oakland guys who were killed.
I would be proud to ride with anyone on this site, and I am not a stickler for the traffic laws. In fact when I was a patrol cop, I used to get written up for not writing enough tickets. I like to drive a bit fast, and I find it hypocritical to write someone for speeding, when I have been known to do it. Now I really wanted to write a ticket to the idiot (State Legislator) I saw driving with his knees while using both hands to eat a bowl of icecream. I was off duty and being a detective, I dont have a ticket book, but I figured this was probably one of the guys sponsoring the bill to keep drivers from texting.
Rick
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Speaking of cop humor... Did you hear about the woman who was stopped for speeding by a cop using a radar gun at the end of a long bridge? When the cop asked the woman what she did for a living she replied that she was an A%%hole stretcher. The cop asked how she did this and she explained that she starts by inserting one finger, then another, and so on until she can get both hands in. Then, she explained, she keeps stretching until the A$$hole is six foot. The cop asked her what you do with a six foot A$$hole and the woman said, "Give him a radar gun and put him at the end of a bridge."
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Adjunct
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Adjunct
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Quote:
(so tell me...why would you link THAT to this thread just as we seem to have returned it back to a more lighthearted nature?)
Prolly to reinforce the idea that almost any individuals can commit crimes AND that entire groups or organizations should not be judged based on the actions of those member individuals who do so. That goes for ANY organization.
Except of course the federal reserve and its advocates... they are pure evil!
2018 FLHCS
2014 Surly Straggler - 16,000 miles and counting!
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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Okay! I guess I'll buy that, Leno. (BTW...I like the way you slipped in that "Ron Paul for President" bit at the end there, dude!)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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I don't want anybody to get me wrong...I did make a rant and I immediately made my joke right after but I want to make it clear that I respect law and I respect good cops who do their job. They are certainly getting harder to find but they do a tough job and I can see how it would be easy for an officer to become jaded or corrupt just as my own brother did. But that's no excuse. If the job has that kind of effect on somebody, then they shouldn't do the job. So hats off to any cop who does his/her job as it was meant to be done.
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Thanks DunnSpeed. And sorry for my rant. I know they are out there, and I deal with the ones I am assigned to deal with. I bought my America to help de-stress. Mrs. Shamus says it was well worth the money. Now I have to add accessories to aid in the de-stressing. She's not so happy about that.
Rick
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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DunnSpeed. I just noticed that you say it best at the bottom of your posts. Oh who cares, let's go for a ride!
Rick
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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Quote:
I don't want anybody to get me wrong...I did make a rant and I immediately made my joke right after but I want to make it clear that I respect law and I respect good cops who do their job. They are certainly getting harder to find but they do a tough job and I can see how it would be easy for an officer to become jaded or corrupt just as my own brother did. But that's no excuse. If the job has that kind of effect on somebody, then they shouldn't do the job. So hats off to any cop who does his/her job as it was meant to be done.
WHEW!!! Well I'm certainly GLAD we've got THAT settled around here now then, Chris!!!
Yep! For a second there I had envisioned you kind'a like THIS GUY sayin' somethin' like THIS here....
"M-yeah, see! No copper's ever gonna get ME, see!!! M-yeah! M-yeah! You mugs got that?!!!
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
Quote:
Thanks DunnSpeed. And sorry for my rant. I know they are out there, and I deal with the ones I am assigned to deal with. I bought my America to help de-stress. Mrs. Shamus says it was well worth the money. Now I have to add accessories to aid in the de-stressing. She's not so happy about that.
Rick
And SOOOOO Rick...I guess that brings us to THIS question here then....
"So tell me Flatfoot...us mugs wants ta know if yas is comin' to that little gets-togetha down there in Arizona this comin' May or NOT, see?! M-yeah! M-yeah!"
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 76
Member
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Member
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 76 |
I'm checking the schedule. I think we stopped planning the trip to visit the outlaws in May because I had to bail out on two. We have a bike festival in Winnemucca, NV that weekend called "Runamucca." Unfortunately, I have had to cancel vacations twice due to homicide investigations during the festival. Interestingly enough, with all the outlaw groups there, neither of the homicides involved bikers. One was kids killing another over a rumor and the other involved two rival families with a shooting in a bar. The shooter was shot and killed by a soldier who had recently returned from a land of sand. They gave him an award once the investigation was complete.
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Re: Cops say the darndest things...
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
Well see what you can do about attending! It'd be great to have you and the Mrs join in! (and ah BTW...I could never do what you folks do for a livin', 'cuz I've always just been teetering right on the edge of total cynicism all my life, and I KNOW if I would'a ever become a LEO, that would've probably put ME right over that edge...so keep up the good work Officer!!!)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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