 Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6
Worn Saddle
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OP
Worn Saddle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6 |
I'm known to be a little onery and my own best entertainer. So I periodically come up with smart$$ lines to lay on the general public, usually the cute checkout girl at the store. My latest is, "Hey, you know what the difference is between me and Superman? Superman is taller!" Sometimes I get a laugh, sometimes I don't. The main thing is, I'm entertained! 
Fidelis et Fortis
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 657
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 657 |
or when the chick at Mc Donalds says
'sorry about the wait"
reply " don't be too worried, proper diet and exercise will improve it"
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,629 Likes: 7
Monkey Butt
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Monkey Butt
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,629 Likes: 7 |
When someone doing a puzzle says "I enjoy being mentally challenged" and you answer "It's good you've come to terms with it." 
We all like to think of ourselves as rugged individualists. But when push comes to shove most of us are sheep who do what we are told. Worst of all, a lot of us become unpaid agents of whoever is controlling the agenda by enforcing the current dogma on the few rugged individualists who actually exist.
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,715 Likes: 4
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,715 Likes: 4 |
Carry your helmet in somewhere and when asked if you rode, just reply "nope I just fall down a lot!"
Always remember to be yourself. Unless you suck. Then pretend to be someone else.
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,715 Likes: 4
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,715 Likes: 4 |
Every time someone asks me "you know what I'm thinking?" I just say no and walk away...
Always remember to be yourself. Unless you suck. Then pretend to be someone else.
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,715 Likes: 4
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,715 Likes: 4 |
Any time someone asks me what's the chance of something, I always answer 50/50. It either will or will not happen
Always remember to be yourself. Unless you suck. Then pretend to be someone else.
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,715 Likes: 4
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,715 Likes: 4 |
I don't have a lot of friends...
Always remember to be yourself. Unless you suck. Then pretend to be someone else.
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,995 Likes: 10
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,995 Likes: 10 |
With bad service I often say "You should get a job you like mate"
Dinosaur.
"Oh Man I only ride 'em.I don't know what makes 'em work". Donald "Oddball" Sutherland
"Don't let the bastards get you down". Kris Kristofferson
"I am only paranoid because everyone is against me". Larry [Frank Burns] Linville
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,193 Likes: 22
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,193 Likes: 22 |
My brother Dodgy Doug of Dartford once gave the comeuppance of all time.
Stranger in the pub." This town must be the a**hole of the western world"
Doug..." I take it you're just passing through?"
I took the Road Less Travelled.
Now where the ****** am I?
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6
Worn Saddle
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OP
Worn Saddle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6 |
Another one of my originals...I ask the girl/women.."Do you know what the difference is between a turnip and a woman?" They look puzzled and say "no". "Huh", I say, and just look at them for a second and then walk away. The look on their faces as they try to figure out what was just said is priceless.
Fidelis et Fortis
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
Okay, so you guys wanna see MY latest "Smarta$$ line" here? Then take a look at somethin' I've just posted in the Indian Motorcycle forum about an hour ago. Ya see, I noticed a thread that somebody had started a few months back in that website's general forum section that was about these soon-to-come new Royal Enfield 650 twins, and after spotting this one guy's recent posting...well, here's how that all went down...I'll copy and paste it here for ya... MEMBER2017 SAID:
When Royal Enfield hit ground at dealer next month I planning stopping in take one for ride would make great bike driving back forth work(and then I posted) Just one question here, Member2017:
IF after you take this demo ride and IF it turns out you REALLY like this new Royal Enfield, then wouldn't it be prudent on your part and BEFORE you plunk down the money for it, to FIRST see if JANE will fit on the back?! OR that at least Cheeta will, anyway?!(...and so correct me if I'm wrong here, but I'D say that THAT qualifies was one "smarta$$ line", wouldn't ya say?!) 
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,995 Likes: 10
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,995 Likes: 10 |
Sorry Dwight you're wrong.You said "correct me if....."  Now THAT is a smartarse line!"  Which is why I don't have any friends.
Dinosaur.
"Oh Man I only ride 'em.I don't know what makes 'em work". Donald "Oddball" Sutherland
"Don't let the bastards get you down". Kris Kristofferson
"I am only paranoid because everyone is against me". Larry [Frank Burns] Linville
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
Quote:
Sorry Dwight you're wrong.You said "correct me if....."
Now THAT is a smartarse line!"
Which is why I don't have any friends.
Yeah, and if you like THAT one Paul, then you might also like what I just posted a little while ago after another guy who goes by "JB" over there replied to what I said with:
"I see what you did there! "
And then I replied to HIM with:
"Well, OF COURSE you did!
(...and that's 'cause ME Dwight, YOU JB!)"
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,236 Likes: 56
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,236 Likes: 56 |
Quote:
With bad service I often say "You should get a job you like mate"
Well you cant do it with no tip as one might do in other parts of the world. In Melbourne at the moment and service has generally been good except staff in one store that don't speak any form of English well.
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,995 Likes: 10
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,995 Likes: 10 |
I had a bit of bad service with a young supermarket checkout guy the other day couldn't give a ****** about packing the stuff just jamming it in the bags no smile no nothing .I said " They didn't send you to a good packing school did they mate?" he didn't like it and made no reply just a stone face .One of the women there does the same but largely service is pretty good and polite and done with a smile or a friendly word..
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6
Worn Saddle
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OP
Worn Saddle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6 |
Quote:
I had a bit of bad service with a young supermarket checkout guy the other day couldn't give a ****** about packing the stuff just jamming it in the bags no smile no nothing .I said " They didn't send you to a good packing school did they mate?" he didn't like it and made no reply just a stone face .One of the women there does the same but largely service is pretty good and polite and done with a smile or a friendly word..
It's well known that sales service isn't what it used to be. Maybe he was having a bad day, girlfriend problems, dog died, so forth. I always give them another chance if I see them later again. I always like to tease the young chickees at the counter. My wife used to say I was flirting with them, but I just like to have some fun and maybe get someone to smile. I do the same thing if it is a guy, and the counter folks at the building supplies store know me as a "character". But they largely enjoy it. That's what I tell myself!
Fidelis et Fortis
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,629 Likes: 7
Monkey Butt
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Monkey Butt
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,629 Likes: 7 |
Quote:
I had a bit of bad service with a young supermarket checkout guy the other day couldn't give a ****** about packing the stuff just jamming it in the bags no smile no nothing .I said " They didn't send you to a good packing school did they mate?" he didn't like it and made no reply just a stone face .One of the women there does the same but largely service is pretty good and polite and done with a smile or a friendly word..
On the other hand I had a woman come into my store b1tching and nasty. She kept harping and whining at me while I tried to help her. Then she stood right in front of my register and spent several minutes talking with another woman rather than answer any questions I asked trying to get to the bottom of the issue. I walked away and she snapped that I was very rude. I replied that that was rich coming from someone who was as rude as she had been from the second she walked into my store. She said that I had to put up with it as I am in a customer service position. I told her to have a very nice day. I doubt I'll see her again and good riddance. Sometimes it's good to be the boss.
We all like to think of ourselves as rugged individualists. But when push comes to shove most of us are sheep who do what we are told. Worst of all, a lot of us become unpaid agents of whoever is controlling the agenda by enforcing the current dogma on the few rugged individualists who actually exist.
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Re: Smarta$$ lines
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 385
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 385 |
Was talking with a woman about GPS some time ago. Tom Tom came up and i said i don't have a lot of money so i can only afford a Tom; I can get there but i can't get back.
Her reply? "Smarta**!"
06 in Mulberry. AI, Dunstalls, Nology coils, TTP
Keep your faith in God, but keep your powder dry.
-Oliver Cromwell
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