 crapped my pants
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6
Worn Saddle
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OP
Worn Saddle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6 |
Crapped my pants today. I was out wandering around the backroad blacktops on my bike this sunny, beautiful Saturday. Nice, no traffic, lane and a half in the country blacktops. Scooting along at a mild 50 mph,cruise controll, up and down lil hills and around nice lil curves. Crested this lil hill and BAM!, turned right into gravel just over the crest. AND, ten feet later, 100 YARDS OF MUD AND TRACTOR RUTS, where the road had gone soft. Hit that baby at speed, crapped my pants and held on! Like riding a snake running from a coyote. YEEE Haaaa!!! Made it to the other side of the mud washout and got the bike totally stopped. Got off the bike and my thighs were sore from the tight cramp I just put them through. No traffic for miles around, heck, if I'd lost it I probably would've laid there for hours without anyone knowing. Cleaned the pile of crap from my pants, got back on and returned back to the blacktop. Another good story to tell around the campfire! 
Fidelis et Fortis
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 797 Likes: 17
3/4 Throttle
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3/4 Throttle
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 797 Likes: 17 |
Glad you had an exciting ride everything came out OK in the end. 
Road Rash Heals. Freckles Grow Back. Ride
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,685 Likes: 20
Monkey Butt
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Monkey Butt
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,685 Likes: 20 |
You are lucky you are breathing after that.
I try to aggravate one person a day. Today may be your day.
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,995 Likes: 10
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,995 Likes: 10 |
When you're older, bowel control isn't what it was.  Glad you're ok Rich. 
Dinosaur.
"Oh Man I only ride 'em.I don't know what makes 'em work". Donald "Oddball" Sutherland
"Don't let the bastards get you down". Kris Kristofferson
"I am only paranoid because everyone is against me". Larry [Frank Burns] Linville
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 374
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 374 |
Did you say you had cruse control on? or was that just a figure of speech? I never use cruse control on unfamilar roads even in a car, it does cost you some reaction time. Glad you made it ok, now go wash your bike.
Tin Man 2
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6
Worn Saddle
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OP
Worn Saddle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6 |
Quote:
Did you say you had cruse control on? or was that just a figure of speech? I never use cruse control on unfamilar roads even in a car, it does cost you some reaction time. Glad you made it ok, now go wash your bike.
Yeah, you're probaboy right about the cruze. But I'd actually been on some of these road before, and honestly, I don't think it would have made any difference this time. Stoopid county should at least have posted "hard surface ends" or something!
Fidelis et Fortis
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 4,072 Likes: 80
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 4,072 Likes: 80 |
Hate when that happens...
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,629 Likes: 7
Monkey Butt
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Monkey Butt
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,629 Likes: 7 |
It was likely a fairly hard surface road prior to the recent melting and rain. The gravel roads in Iowa are largely bottomless right now.
We all like to think of ourselves as rugged individualists. But when push comes to shove most of us are sheep who do what we are told. Worst of all, a lot of us become unpaid agents of whoever is controlling the agenda by enforcing the current dogma on the few rugged individualists who actually exist.
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
Rich, you didn't mention which bike of yours you were riding when this happened.
Due to your mentioning "cruise control", I take it was while riding your Indian, right?!
(...btw...good riding instincts there...glad to hear you didn't grab too much brake and drop it)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,193 Likes: 22
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,193 Likes: 22 |
Why doesn't anyone offer you new pants?
I think The People should be tokd
I took the Road Less Travelled.
Now where the ****** am I?
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,193 Likes: 22
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,193 Likes: 22 |
I took the Road Less Travelled.
Now where the ****** am I?
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,193 Likes: 22
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,193 Likes: 22 |
I took the Road Less Travelled.
Now where the ****** am I?
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6
Worn Saddle
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OP
Worn Saddle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6 |
Quote:
Rich, you didn't mention which bike of yours you were riding when this happened.
Due to your mentioning "cruise control", I take it was while riding your Indian, right?!
(...btw...good riding instincts there...glad to hear you didn't grab too much brake and drop it)
Yeah, I was on the Indian. 800+ pounds to wrestle. I don't know if my America or my old Trumpet would have been any easier. Well, yeah, the old Triumph probably WOULD have been better because of it's great handling. About ten minutes after this story, I talked to my good buddy, who often rides with me on his HD springer 1200. He was invited to go with me on this lil trip, but he was getting a new tatoo. (Hey, din't I tell ya he rides a Harley!) I told him, "hey, you just missed a chance to get killed". He admitted that it could have been a disaster riding through 100 yds. of churned up mud, with his narrow tired, low handling HD.
Fidelis et Fortis
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,028 Likes: 8
New Tires
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New Tires
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,028 Likes: 8 |
Glad you managed, but living in rural midwest states you should have expected it. 
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
H. L. Mencken
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11,124 Likes: 13
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11,124 Likes: 13 |
Quote:
Crapped my pants today. I was out wandering around the backroad blacktops on my bike this sunny, beautiful Saturday. Nice, no traffic, lane and a half in the country blacktops. Scooting along at a mild 50 mph,cruise controll, up and down lil hills and around nice lil curves. Crested this lil hill and BAM!, turned right into gravel just over the crest. AND, ten feet later, 100 YARDS OF MUD AND TRACTOR RUTS, where the road had gone soft. Hit that baby at speed, crapped my pants and held on! Like riding a snake running from a coyote. YEEE Haaaa!!! Made it to the other side of the mud washout and got the bike totally stopped. Got off the bike and my thighs were sore from the tight cramp I just put them through. No traffic for miles around, heck, if I'd lost it I probably would've laid there for hours without anyone knowing. Cleaned the pile of crap from my pants, got back on and returned back to the blacktop. Another good story to tell around the campfire!
That's when one is glad to have a knife. That way you can cut off your underwear and toss em without having to remove your boots, and pants...
Just saying. At least there wasn't a dead cow anywhere around. (one day, long ago, riding North with the englishyankee, along the Mason Dixon line: a campfire fable)
Blowing gravel off rural roads
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,193 Likes: 22
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,193 Likes: 22 |
You have an illustrious precedent......King Richard the Lionheart did much the same when, suffering from dysentery, he cut the bottom out of his breeches in order that he should not be inconvenienced when smiting Saracens in battle.
I took the Road Less Travelled.
Now where the ****** am I?
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6
Worn Saddle
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OP
Worn Saddle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6 |
As a fellow Richard, and a student of history, I confess I've never heard THAT story! But I think it surpasses MINE! 
Fidelis et Fortis
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11,124 Likes: 13
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11,124 Likes: 13 |
Quote:
You have an illustrious precedent......King Richard the Lionheart did much the same when, suffering from dysentery, he cut the bottom out of his breeches in order that he should not be inconvenienced when smiting Saracens in battle.
gives a whole new meaning to a certain kate bush song...
Blowing gravel off rural roads
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,335
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,335 |
I kind of know the feeling. Years ago I was working for a Electrician servicing Clack Gas Stations in Ohio. The service truck I was using was old and the head lights were not the best. I was on some back country roads at night going from one small town to the next. On a dark straight away all of a sudden the road was gone. It looked like I was heading for open air. Hit the brakes hard, and the truck went over the edge, but only dropping 6 or 8 inches. Which was enough to break several dozen light bulbs and tubes in the back of the truck. Came to a stop and it turns out the massive Strip Mining Shovel came through the road earlier in the day, taking out the road with its 60 foot wide shovel. Which exposed all the black coal beneath the road. I was there for over 30 minutes assessing all the damage and trying to determine if I could get back on the road on the other side. Not a single car came by during that time. I did manage to get up onto the road and continue on.
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Benjamin Franklin, US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 - 1790)
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6
Worn Saddle
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OP
Worn Saddle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,060 Likes: 6 |
Yowza! That's a butt churner! And it reminds me of still another riding story. Yeaaaars ago, I was tooling down the black top on my 72 Electra Glide, my sister-in-law riding on the back, when I ran it strait into a nearly foot deep pot hole, about a foot across. Really couldn't see it in the late evening light. The road crew had been working on scattered stretches of this road and must have quit for the day without putting any cones out or blacktop patches in! The bike slammed/bottomed the frame and we bounced back up into the air. I barely hung on to the grips and I have NO idea how my passenger held on! 
Fidelis et Fortis
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,690
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,690 |
Yep, topped a hill on Georgia Hwy 101 doing about 65 or so, traffic completely stopped. Slight right around the first car, missed a mail box, jumped a gravel driveway, dodged the next mail box, then thru a large puddle of water with a big hit coming out that jammed by back and took the breath out of me, then back onto the road. Pulled over at first chance to catch my breath....No fun!!!
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,236 Likes: 56
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,236 Likes: 56 |
Road snakes can be another cause for concern. A buddy a few years ago on one of his cross country tours with friends came upon a road repair crew (no warnings) that were laying down tar strips in road cuts those ones that are squiggly and are just part way through the road bed (Wade can probably explain them better and why they are done) One rolled up around his front tire and took him down fast and hard I suspect with the same result as the title of this thread.
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,068 Likes: 1
Saddle Sore
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Saddle Sore
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,068 Likes: 1 |
Quote:
Road snakes can be another cause for concern. (Wade can probably explain them better and why they are done)
OK, here we go : improperly compacted base on a roadway leads to deflection cracks when heavy loads roll over it. Water will percolate down in the cracks and freeze, lifting up the sections and create "potholes", or simply make the base even softer.
A Moldavian illegal immigrant named Jedediah Tarsnik who worked for the Georgia DOT proposed a novel idea, coat the fractures with hot viscous bands of melted "tack, "AC" or asphalt tar, the same stuff asphalt aggregate is cohered and homogenized with.
So now, 22.47 years later we have DOT crews slowly slithering on the highways laying down bands of "tarsnakes" in a vain attempt to repair the roadways from premature failure.
So now these tarsnakes are imbedded in our lives. Slick, bumpy, nefarious, black as the insidious attempt of a reckoning against America, as Jedidiah hated this country, and motorcycles as well. His cat was killed on a road by a US Marine riding a Montessa.
It has been said that revenge is a dish best served cold, slick, prostrate, winding, waiting................... 
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,531
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,531 |
That's why I try to "go" before taking a ride.
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 146
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 146 |
Wade, you're giving me the crepes!
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 8,639 Likes: 3
Old Hand
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Old Hand
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 8,639 Likes: 3 |
The road in front of my house is always like that.
Let's hope there's intelligent life somewhere in space 'cause it's buggar all down here. -- Monte Python
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 728 Likes: 1
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 728 Likes: 1 |
Nice Pan Cakes! 
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,170 Likes: 14
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,170 Likes: 14 |
this Sunday while out for a leisurely ride on the speedmaster on a windy county road, I hit an unexpected depression in the road. At least a foot deep and longer than the bike across. I was in 4th and going about 60. No warning at all as it was near the crest of a hill and the pavement was un broken.
The bike bottomed out hard, bounced out (mostly straight) and the engine died. Now with a instant splitting headache (and possibly an inch shorter spine!) I am trying to restart while coasting down the hill. No luck, so I just worked on coasting far enough to get to a farm down the road that has a big paved driveway I can turn into.
I made it with a little speed to spare. Got off the bike to look for anything obvious, nothing, other than a sore ass. Try to start, nothing.Took off my helmet, which is pounded on down to my shoulders. I really start checking around and trying to figure what could be the problem.
After realizing just how hot the motor was (and putting gloves back on) I found that both my plug wires were loose from the coils and the gas line was way over to the right side and kinked (the FCR's feed from below, so there is a long loopy hose). Straightened all that and she fired right up. Rode home (about 30 miles) with no problems. So far as I can tell no damage to the bike. I've another project on the lift right now, so a more detailed inspection will have to wait a bit. I am still plenty sore from it, but nothing advil and walking won't work out (and possible some gin).
05 speedmaster - 1100cc, 11:1 racing pistons, Carillo rods, thunderbike cams, ported and polished head, 2mm over intake and exhaust valves, Barnett kevlar clutch, scepter pipes, oversize manifolds, 45mm HSR's, TTP stage 4 firestarter
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Re: crapped my pants
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,629 Likes: 7
Monkey Butt
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Monkey Butt
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,629 Likes: 7 |
Quote:
Quote:
Road snakes can be another cause for concern. (Wade can probably explain them better and why they are done)
OK, here we go : improperly compacted base on a roadway leads to deflection cracks when heavy loads roll over it. Water will percolate down in the cracks and freeze, lifting up the sections and create "potholes", or simply make the base even softer.
A Moldavian illegal immigrant named Jedediah Tarsnik who worked for the Georgia DOT proposed a novel idea, coat the fractures with hot viscous bands of melted "tack, "AC" or asphalt tar, the same stuff asphalt aggregate is cohered and homogenized with.
So now, 22.47 years later we have DOT crews slowly slithering on the highways laying down bands of "tarsnakes" in a vain attempt to repair the roadways from premature failure.
So now these tarsnakes are imbedded in our lives. Slick, bumpy, nefarious, black as the insidious attempt of a reckoning against America, as Jedidiah hated this country, and motorcycles as well. His cat was killed on a road by a US Marine riding a Montessa.
It has been said that revenge is a dish best served cold, slick, prostrate, winding, waiting...................
One of them bit me a few years ago. The front wheel slid out like I was on ice. Luckily I was in a fairly tight turn and had slowed to about 20 mph so I wasn't badly hurt. Even rode the bike home.
We all like to think of ourselves as rugged individualists. But when push comes to shove most of us are sheep who do what we are told. Worst of all, a lot of us become unpaid agents of whoever is controlling the agenda by enforcing the current dogma on the few rugged individualists who actually exist.
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