Hi, my name is Derek. I was riding my Moped tonight and it was 31 degrees and I saw this couple in a Jeep Grand Cherokee. I was nearly hypothermic but noticed that they just sat there, sipping their lattes and eating chocolate truffles. I need to get a job, move out of my parents' basement, get car with a heater, gee a Jeep would be cool, so maybe just maybe I could get a date.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. H. L. Mencken