Depends on context. Used by a non-gay it's a pejorative, used by a gay person it's empowering.
Just like racial epithets that are OK for a member of that race to use but if you're not of that race, be careful.
Or like when Friar John would call other members of the site "chucklehead", being one himself it was cool. In fact we can all call each other chucklehead
Or overweight comedians poking fun at themselves but it's not at all cool for "normal" weight people to ridicule obese people.
I could give many more examples but I think the point is made.
