 So, my wife's idiot friend...
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...decides to take up motorcycling. Her hubby got a Harley a couple years ago and they are all about the whole Harley thing (all their clothes say Harley, they've renamed all their kids after different models, and they can't ride unless they are in a line of 86 motorcycles). She's never piloted a bike. Hasn't even taken the MSF class. With this in mind she's decided her first bike will be a 2011 Harley Soft Tail Deluxe, which weighs in at 726lbs. She's about 5'2", 140lbs of total goo. Barely enough muscle to support her head. Besides weighing 726lbs, she says the bike will cost about $15,000. These folks do not have much disposable income. She's had to cut back to generic cigarettes and Old Milwaukee to pay the mortgage.
My wife also took up motorcycling around 50. She's 5'11", 140lbs, and is built like a beach volleyball player (she's also a 2nd degree black belt in TKD and a kickboxing insturctor). Her first bike was a 450lb Katana we paid $1000 for (she now has a 2008 Bonnie).
I am realizing just what a cruel SOB I am because I WANT her to pull the trigger (I also dislike her intensely).
Actually, her biggest problem may be limiting her alcohol consumption, which I do not believe she will do. No idea if she'll ride drunk. Maybe.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Feb 2007
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2007
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Sounds like it won't be long until natural selection kicks in.
I learned all I need to know about life by killing smart people and eating their brains.
Eat right ,Exercise ,Stay fit, Die Anyway!
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Feb 2011
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Oil Expert
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Aug 2007
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Always remember to be yourself. Unless you suck. Then pretend to be someone else.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Sep 2006
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Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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Yes, the natural selection thing is the most likely, but, if that doesn't happen people like her are a great source of cheap, low mileage, used bikes. I wish there were more like her.
2004 Triumph Speedmaster (J Lo) 2006 Yamaha Stratoliner (Adele)
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Oil Expert
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Maybe nothing will happen. I'm sure she won't get too many miles on it as most of these bad-azz, tough, bikers to the core can be found parked at the harley dealers on every nice day to ride wearing their chapps and gloves on those chilly 65 degree Saturdays sucking down hotdogs and cokes.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2007
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Loquacious
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Loquacious
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Who's the beneficiary of her life insurance policy? 
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2006
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Monkey Butt
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Monkey Butt
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I hope she does not ride. Not that I care the last thing to go through her mine will be her a$$ but what if she takes out the 5 bikes ahead of her when she does it?
I try to aggravate one person a day. Today may be your day.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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and dont look to a dealer to talk her down, they well sell her any bike she wants with the "she will be back in a week to fix this for a coupple grand" smile and take her picture as she signs the paper. ( I think more to proove they did not trick her in to signing than anything!)
Mal: "Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun?{ref, Jayne} Man's lookin' to kill some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting."
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jun 2009
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Loquacious
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Loquacious
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Quote:
Sounds like it won't be long until natural selection kicks in.
 I think you've got that right Ian!
Dinosaur.
"Oh Man I only ride 'em.I don't know what makes 'em work". Donald "Oddball" Sutherland
"Don't let the bastards get you down". Kris Kristofferson
"I am only paranoid because everyone is against me". Larry [Frank Burns] Linville
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 490
Adjunct
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Adjunct
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Ride like you mean it.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Sep 2010
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Second Wind
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Second Wind
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Negativity............... 
I have no faith in human perfectability. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.
Edgar Allan Poe
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11,126 Likes: 13
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Jan 2005
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At least the swill she consumes will match the machine: Old Milwaukee. I'm with Ron on this one. Better she not get the bike as she will not crash alone.
Blowing gravel off rural roads
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Sep 2009
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Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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Quote:
Sounds like it won't be long until natural selection kicks in.
That's called a Darwin award where I come from.... 
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Apr 2006
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Loquacious
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Loquacious
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Quote:
...decides to take up motorcycling. Her hubby got a Harley a couple years ago and they are all about the whole Harley thing (all their clothes say Harley, they've renamed all their kids after different models, and they can't ride unless they are in a line of 86 motorcycles). She's never piloted a bike. Hasn't even taken the MSF class. With this in mind she's decided her first bike will be a 2011 Harley Soft Tail Deluxe, which weighs in at 726lbs. She's about 5'2", 140lbs of total goo. Barely enough muscle to support her head. Besides weighing 726lbs, she says the bike will cost about $15,000. These folks do not have much disposable income. She's had to cut back to generic cigarettes and Old Milwaukee to pay the mortgage.
...
Actually, her biggest problem may be limiting her alcohol consumption, which I do not believe she will do. No idea if she'll ride drunk. Maybe.
This is one of the funniest posts ever! Smokey, someday when we're down in western NC I'd like to ride with you.
Yesterday I was at a Polar Bear bike gathering. It was under 20 degrees - cold! I was about to get back on the Vision when I realized the rider next to me was having trouble getting situated on her machine. It was a little gal, all dressed in HD leathers & HD helmet sitting on some kind of Softail. Oh yeah, loud pipes too! 
Anyways, once she stalled her bike by popping the clutch. I decided to stand BETWEEN her and my Vision. 
She finally got ready to roll out and it seemed to take everything she had to tiptoe the Harley BACKWARDS out of the spot in very slow motion, get it back in gear, and roll out. I thought, this is a recipe for disaster.
I'm no expert but IMHO all new riders should be required to take the MSF course. Even more so when their first machine is going to weigh 5 times their own weight! 
Kevin - Luceo Non Uro
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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You do have to take it in NC, she just hasn't yet (unless you're 'grandfathered' in, like me). Ruthie tried to talk her down, suggesting a smaller dual sport, preferably used, for a few months before she commits to bankruptcy for a garage ornament. The reality is, should she actually go through with it, it HAS to say Harley on the tank. That is a bigger requirement than the number of wheels.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2011
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Adjunct
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Adjunct
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Quote:
...decides to take up motorcycling. Her hubby got a Harley a couple years ago and they are all about the whole Harley thing (all their clothes say Harley, they've renamed all their kids after different models, and they can't ride unless they are in a line of 86 motorcycles). She's never piloted a bike. Hasn't even taken the MSF class. With this in mind she's decided her first bike will be a 2011 Harley Soft Tail Deluxe, which weighs in at 726lbs. She's about 5'2", 140lbs of total goo. Barely enough muscle to support her head. Besides weighing 726lbs, she says the bike will cost about $15,000. These folks do not have much disposable income. She's had to cut back to generic cigarettes and Old Milwaukee to pay the mortgage.
My wife also took up motorcycling around 50. She's 5'11", 140lbs, and is built like a beach volleyball player (she's also a 2nd degree black belt in TKD and a kickboxing insturctor). Her first bike was a 450lb Katana we paid $1000 for (she now has a 2008 Bonnie).
I am realizing just what a cruel SOB I am because I WANT her to pull the trigger (I also dislike her intensely).
Actually, her biggest problem may be limiting her alcohol consumption, which I do not believe she will do. No idea if she'll ride drunk. Maybe.
Wait, how is it you live in NC but you have neighbors that obviously live in WV???those states don't touch  ...and i can make that joke one side of my family is from WV...note i said one side.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Oil Expert
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Said friend is from East Tennessee but that's not far enough away to dull the pain.
She's not prone to following through on much so it's unlikely to happen (dammit). I do have this vision of her buying it, riding over to show it off, pulling into my gravel driveway and...then...there she is...facing the wrong way in a gravel driveway on a 726lb motorcycle. I'm damn sure not gonna turn it around for her.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
Quote:
Said friend is from East Tennessee but that's not far enough away to dull the pain.
She's not prone to following through on much so it's unlikely to happen (dammit). I do have this vision of her buying it, riding over to show it off, pulling into my gravel driveway and...then...there she is...facing the wrong way in a gravel driveway on a 726lb motorcycle. I'm damn sure not gonna turn it around for her.
I think you forgot to add, "...or help her lift it back up on two wheels after she drops it", Chet.
BUT, knowing how much of a gentleman you really are, I know you're not gonna resist the temptation to help her out when that time comes!
(...yep, I know that's all just "big talk" on your part here, ol' buddy!)  
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 5,268 Likes: 16
Saddle Sore
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Saddle Sore
Joined: Jan 2005
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Quote:
Said friend is from East Tennessee but that's not far enough away to dull the pain.
She's not prone to following through on much so it's unlikely to happen (dammit). I do have this vision of her buying it, riding over to show it off, pulling into my gravel driveway and...then...there she is...facing the wrong way in a gravel driveway on a 726lb motorcycle. I'm damn sure not gonna turn it around for her.
Easy with that East Tennessee remark, she may be someone I loathe, err know. 
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 18,825
"Lighten up, Francis."
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"Lighten up, Francis."
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 18,825 |
Ha, that reminds me of something I haven't heard in a while, "Oh, you're from Montana? Do you know Steve Jankowski from Glendive?"
Um SURE. I see him at the meetings EVERY MONTH.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Check Pants
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Check Pants
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Quote:
Ha, that reminds me of something I haven't heard in a while, "Oh, you're from Montana? Do you know Steve Jankowski from Glendive?"
Um SURE. I see him at the meetings EVERY MONTH.
Under the heading "everything reminds me of a story", back in my Utah Daze, I was visiting my sister, who lived in Manhatten at the time. We were at her neighbours one flight down. Upon learning I was from Utah, the guy in all seriousness told me how as a kid he and his dad took a road trip west. They stopped at some friend's house in Sioux Falls, SD. His comment "Maybe you know them?" I was stunned as I had just played cribbage with them the week before.
Go Figure.
jh
"It's not what I say that's important, it's what you hear" Red Auerbach
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,995 Likes: 10
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jun 2009
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When overseas,I sometimes get "Oh you're from Australia?Do you know Frank/Jim/John?"
WTF
Dinosaur.
"Oh Man I only ride 'em.I don't know what makes 'em work". Donald "Oddball" Sutherland
"Don't let the bastards get you down". Kris Kristofferson
"I am only paranoid because everyone is against me". Larry [Frank Burns] Linville
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,146
Oil Expert
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OP
Oil Expert
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Quote:
Quote:
Said friend is from East Tennessee but that's not far enough away to dull the pain.
She's not prone to following through on much so it's unlikely to happen (dammit). I do have this vision of her buying it, riding over to show it off, pulling into my gravel driveway and...then...there she is...facing the wrong way in a gravel driveway on a 726lb motorcycle. I'm damn sure not gonna turn it around for her.
Easy with that East Tennessee remark, she may be someone I loathe, err know.
My wife is originally from East Tennessee and you all know what a sap I am for her. Of course, judging from her brothers there's a good chance she's adopted.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,146
Oil Expert
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OP
Oil Expert
Joined: Feb 2011
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Quote:
Quote:
Said friend is from East Tennessee but that's not far enough away to dull the pain.
She's not prone to following through on much so it's unlikely to happen (dammit). I do have this vision of her buying it, riding over to show it off, pulling into my gravel driveway and...then...there she is...facing the wrong way in a gravel driveway on a 726lb motorcycle. I'm damn sure not gonna turn it around for her.
I think you forgot to add, "...or help her lift it back up on two wheels after she drops it", Chet.
BUT, knowing how much of a gentleman you really are, I know you're not gonna resist the temptation to help her out when that time comes!
(...yep, I know that's all just "big talk" on your part here, ol' buddy!)
guilty
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Loquacious
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Loquacious
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" So, my wife's idiot friend/relative..."
I've started more than a few conversations like this.
"She's about 5'2", 140lbs of total goo. Barely enough muscle to support her head."
But this is classic.
Stewart
.......
"It's outside your field of expertise."
"Poppycock normally is."
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,954
Loquacious
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Loquacious
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Quote:
When overseas,I sometimes get "Oh you're from Australia?Do you know Frank/Jim/John?"
WTF
I could see that being a pain. By the way, do you know Charlie?
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Sep 2010
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Second Wind
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Second Wind
Joined: Sep 2010
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I think you should take her out to a nice big parking lot and help her learn to ride it safely. Be very nice about it,and try to convence her to take the rider safety class.
I have no faith in human perfectability. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.
Edgar Allan Poe
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 8,393 Likes: 1
Second Wind
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Second Wind
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 8,393 Likes: 1 |
You will win points with your wife for caring about her friend plus you may save a life or two. Also I know you are a good guy so this is nothing but a step for a stepper.
I have no faith in human perfectability. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.
Edgar Allan Poe
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 18,825
"Lighten up, Francis."
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"Lighten up, Francis."
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 18,825 |
Yeah, think not of saving her life but the life or lives of those she might take with her, including any bikers she might be riding with.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,146
Oil Expert
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OP
Oil Expert
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Quote:
I think you should take her out to a nice big parking lot and help her learn to ride it safely. Be very nice about it,and try to convence her to take the rider safety class.
I doubt that would go over very well with her hubby, who rides (though only a couple years in the Harley conga line). He needs to step up to the plate. Besides, I don't have an extra bike I'm willing to let her drop.
I doubt she would put her butt on anything that doesn't say Harley, anyway. When my wife took her gorgeous black Bonnie by to show her, she jut shrugged and turned away asking, "Why didn't you get a Harley?"
Last edited by Smokey3214; 01/17/2012 4:47 PM.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Sep 2010
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Second Wind
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Second Wind
Joined: Sep 2010
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On her bike, He'd probably thank you so he wouldn't have to do it.
I have no faith in human perfectability. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.
Edgar Allan Poe
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
Quote:
Quote:
I think you should take her out to a nice big parking lot and help her learn to ride it safely. Be very nice about it,and try to convence her to take the rider safety class.
I doubt that would go over very well with her hubby, who rides (though only a couple years in the Harley conga line). He needs to step up to the plate. Besides, I don't have an extra bike I'm willing to let her drop.
I doubt she would put her butt on anything that doesn't say Harley, anyway. When my wife took her gorgeous black Bonnie by to show her, she jut shrugged and turned away asking, "Why didn't you get a Harley?"
Well Chet, I suppose it could've been worse!
Uh huh, she could've ALSO have "un-friended" you and your wife on her Facebook page for not buyin' a Harley, ya know!!!
(...but then again, from the sounds of it, maybe her doin' THAT might've been a GOOD THING here, HUH?!)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 2,580
Loquacious
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Loquacious
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Yeah, think not of saving her life but the life or lives of those she might take with her, including any bikers she might be riding with.
Or, think of it as reducing the statistics that all governments use when they want to protect us from ourselves (i.e. make us conform  )
After all, you can always take her into the woods and shoot her
Too old to die young, too ugly to leave a good looking corpse
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,425
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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Sounds like a friend of mines wife when she would try to bust on my Yamaha 700. All I had to do was ask her , UMMM what bike do you drive? She would reply "a fat boy" my final responce was, "No, you RIDE bit#h, you dont drive. tell me again what bike you drive?"
I once answered the same qustion by repling to the fat chick, "Cause I didnt want to look like another cow in the heard"
True motorcycleist and bikers respect fine machinery and know history. Your wifes friend only know HYPE.
( I would take my mom-in-laws original FXR in a heartbeat though!)
Mal: "Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun?{ref, Jayne} Man's lookin' to kill some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting."
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
Quote:
After all, you can always take her into the woods and shoot her
Okay Bryn! Now THAT'S just an ugly stereotype of us Americans you're perpetuating here, and I for ONE won't stand for it!
(...but I'll SIT for it here and laugh my ass off about it!)
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Aug 2009
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Loquacious
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Loquacious
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Sorry Dwight, I didn't mean to stereotype  But I'm glad you liked it
Too old to die young, too ugly to leave a good looking corpse
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 898
3/4 Throttle
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3/4 Throttle
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Full Disclosure: I own and love Harley's, as well as Triumphs!
But this woman's attitude along with "some" other Harley types convinced me in 2004 to buy a Triumph America, I am not a sheep like this woman!
I love all bikes and despise the arrogance and snobbery of certain Harley owners. I understand your pain sir, lol
Triumph Scrambler Diablo Red & Silver (2014), Arrow Exhaust, FI remapped with TTP #4, 16 tooth sprocket, Triumph Gel Solo seat & Rack, Progressive 440 1" lowered Shocks, SAI & O2 Removal, Airbox Restrictor Plate removed.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Member
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If she "needs" the thing to say Harley on it, she should find an old Sprint 350, and the dude...well...nuf said.
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Re: So, my wife's idiot friend...
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,146
Oil Expert
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OP
Oil Expert
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Well, as much as I'd like to think there would be an interesting followup story, and they already DO have one Harley, a year ago she was talking about a BowFlex (to which I asked my wife if she wanted to buy a cheap, unused BowFlex).
As far as I'm concerned she may as well have expressed an interest in the astronaut program.
People like her irritate the $hit out of me because I am at the opposite end of the spectrum. My wife does not suggest anything that she does not expect to be done before the sun sets because she knows how impulsive I am.
If nothing else, I get a lot of $hit done.
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