Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Putting things into perspective.

A few weeks ago, my bike broke down. I think it's the ignitor or coils and, being on state incapacity benefit, I was worried about the cost of replacing them. Regardless, I booked my bike in and was told the wait would be a month (It's the start of the riding season here so everyone's booked in for service, etc). I was getting wound up over the cost because, for now, my bike is the only form of transport I've got. (I do have access to a car but I can't use it all the time.) This is on top of my PC not working properly, my phone not working, my car, my shaver, my CD player, etc.

On Saturday, I had to have my cat-Shelley-put down. She's been in the family for 12/13 years (a third of my life) and her passing has left a huge hole in my heart. She hadn't been eating for a while but I thought it was just her teeth hurting her, as, when she did eat, she tilted her head to one side. The night before she was due in to the vets for an examination, she got really weak, really quickly. I still felt it was something simple so, without any thought, I took her to the vets. He took one look at her and said it's far more serious than teeth, it was kidney failure and that she wouldn't see the week out. He said it best she goes now and avoid the suffering. I couldn't afford the cost for the vet to do the job so I arranged with the local RSPCA animal centre, where I do voluntary work, that they do it. I knew it had to be done but the drive to there was the most difficult of my life. It's fitting that she goes home there as I got her from there in the first place, all those years ago, and I think that's the only thing that kept me going. I'm surprised the form I had to sign (when I got there) is even legible, with all the tears that fell onto it; my signature is just a shaken scrawl. Quite where I got the strength from to leave the room, I'll never know and the drive back home was the loneliest I've ever had to make.
When I got home, and after informing my dad, I set about sorting out her stuff. It could have waited but I wanted to do it then, despite the boulder in my throat and the fluids pouring from my eyes and nose. I sorted her bedding and picked up her food and water bowls to be cleaned. I started to empty her food out of the cupboard but had to put it back. I just couldn't face the emptiness of the shelves; it was far too symbolic of the emptiness in my heart at the moment.
He won't admit it to me, but my sister told me it's hit my dad really hard. Although she's *my* cat, when I left home, I left her with my dad, rather than uproot her and so he's lived with her for a lot longer than I have. Whenever I've visited, I've always spent some time with her, playing with her, stroking her, telling her what I've been up to, brushing her. She never did like the latter and, over the years, my arms and hands have truly borne the brunt of that dislike. Not that I cared.
I'm having her cremated; I pick the ashes up on Thursday and they can go in the back garden, under the hedge, alongside Jenny, my last cat, buried there.
In all this, I realise that one ever only 'borrows' a pet. We've had all sorts of cats and dogs over the years and you always know that they're going to go. I could have spared myself what I'm feeling now by not ever having brought Shell home but that would have meant I missed out on the 12/13 years of joy she did bring me. (As well as the 12/13 years of mice she also brought me.)
Still, the usual questions go through my mind: was she happy with me? Did I do enough for her? etc. I like to think that she knows I loved her (and still do) and that I've given her a decent life and that, sometime in the future, I'll see her again. I still go and talk to Jenny, 15 years after her passing and so, I'll be able to talk to Shell, too.

I realise that there are people out there who think "Why all the fuss, they're just animals?" and that's OK. Some people understand; others don't. I imagine there are some dog owners out there thinking "It's just a cat, you can't form the same bond, etc" and, again, I say fair enough. I'm a cat-person.

I miss her like crazy. Rest in peace, Shell.

Sorry to hear about Shell, Neill. It doesn't matter what your pet is, it's that you had so much of yourself invested in her. I think the best thing to do is wait and morn your loss. But when you're ready, you should get a new pet and start a whole new batch of memories. As you said, "I could have spared myself what I'm feeling now by not ever having brought Shell home but that would have meant I missed out on the 12/13 years of joy she did bring me."
You know you'll really never get over the loss but you will find joy in sharing life with another pet eventually.
Again, sorry about the news and hang in there...

I am a dog person to be sure but that doesn't deminish what I am sure you are feeling. I have been there and it is a terrible thing to have to do for you but it is the kindest for your loved one. The selfish thing to do is keep your family member around when they are in pain and will not know a day without it for the rest of their lives. It's hard and I still struggle with the death of a couple of my pitbulls. One I took to the vet and they said it was something minor but called me that night to come now since she was going to make it the night, that's why I love my vet. He had taken her to a private room when he saw her and made her comfortable on some blankets and stayed with her until I got there (it was about 11PM when he called me) He tole me he would have let her die alone. I had the choice to try and take her for a transfusion since she had massive internal bleeding and he didn't think she would make it there since it was a couple hr drive to where they could do it. She died in my arms, I had her put to sleep. There is a tear in my eye right now and this was years ago now. I beat myself up 2nd guessing if I should have tried for the transfusion but I am told she would gave only lived another week or so and been in pain. I know I did the right thing but I still 2nd guess myself. I also ask myself the same questions about if she was happy with me even though there are very few pets as spoiled rotten as mine. Losing a beloved pet has to be one of the hardest things to do and yet I set myself up for that same pain again every time. I want to give a home to an animal and share the love and fun even though it is brief rather than have the animal put to sleep having never known a home with love an kindness. Ed told me to find a new family member and that it would help ease the pain.He was right. I didn't forget nor would I but it took my attention off it and gave me a new friend to share my life with. So maybe think about a new member of the family , not a replacement but a new and different member. I wasn't looking to adopt my next pet but was just out visiting the different shelters when a dog chose me and ended up coming hom with me. She is now my new family member.

I am a dog person and I too always seem to set myself up for pain that I know will come eventually. I have had to put 2 dogs to down over the years. After it's over I say that is enough, but I always seem to get another.

Short story....I used to hunt duck and geese years ago and had this Lab that was a true friend to me and the family. In the winter time he was always the first one in the truck to go hunting and the last out. For almost 5 years he went to sleep every night with his head on my shoulder. When the unfortunate time came I had him cremated. Most of his ashes were placed in an urn that now sits in my gun cabinet. The remainder was mixed with gunpowder and loaded into some shotgun shells so he could go out hunting with me one last time. That dog is greatly missed to this day.

aw man am feelin for ya.been there afew years ago with my cat aethelred .big ginger tom tuff as nails e were age caught up in th end. weve still got his sister they adopted us as a pair, she has just gone 20 last month.20 years is a long time to be with an animal that yer love n she still makes us laugh. i like the aloofness of cats do what they want to do, dont get me wrong i love dogs as well but throw a stick for a cat theyl look at yer to fetch it yerself.thinkin of ya pal

I'm sorry for your loss of your beloved Shell, Neill.

And trust me...ALL those furry family members we adopt over the years know EXACTLY how much we love 'em!!!

That's why they stick around over the years, dude!!!

(even though, as you said, all those years of love and friendship between them and us often seem much too fleeting in retrospect)

Neill....sorry for your pain my friend........but do remember the good times you had with her. I've been there, done that, too many times in this life of mine. Just last month had to put down our 19 year old cat...she was a grand old lady. And just a few days ago, Radar, a year old Scottish Fold......a rescue cat.....came into my world. Life goes on.

Neill, she's waiting:

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Wow... there is a lot of beautiful stuff here in the form of love and caring. Although I personally don't have a pet, my hat goes off to all of you who have loved, cared and cried for you pet(s). 'Tis the human heart which prevails over all that matters in this world, and the heart shall remain the only constant we have. I believe it to be brave and honourable to befriend and cherish an animal. I admire you all for your selfless love.

I reread my post and my vet told me he WOULDN'T let her die alone. I omitted the n't when typing. Reading it still choked me up and brought a tear to my eye again.

I'm so sorry Neill. I am dog owner and have had to put one dog down, and one got hit by a car and another died from diabetes and kidney failure. Sam, Kelly and Cookie. They were all good friends. I am fortunate to still have Max (Black Lab mix with border collie, and Annie who is my son's moms dog. Full black lab. Annie is getting up there and has arthritis and can barley make it around the block, so her time is coming. She has always thought she was a 90 lb.lap dog and is still very sweet. Max is just a bundle of energy and is a mess but is my best buddy next to my son. I guess I said all that to tell you I feel your pain and hope the healing comes soon.

Years ago, when my wife and I had to put down the first dog that we had after we got married, the vet sent us a card with this:

We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.

Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.

We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
Never fully understanding the necessary plan.

-- Irving Townsend



We still have dogs, and always will.

I am very sorry for your loss Neill. My dog is 16 years old and has helped us raise our 18 year old daughter. My daughter can't remember a night that our dog,Bonnie hasn't put her to bed. I can only imagine the pain we will all feel when she goes. She has slowed down considerably in the past year. I find myself checking to make sure she is breathing every morning now. Our pets are a gift to be treasured. There is no greater love and devotion than that we get from our furry loved ones. I, as a christian often wonder if God reunites us with our faithful freinds. I can't imagine life without them. Perhaps God gives us our pets to demonstrate what unconditional love really is. At any rate, just wanted to say that many of us understand how you feel now. Take comfort in knowing you did what you could to give your pet a great life.

Hey Rick.
I once heard a pastor talk to a grieving child who had lost her dog and asked if she would see her dog in Heaven.

The pastor said, "I don't think it could be Heaven without dogs".

I agree, would be cool if Rainbow bridge was a real thing. I love all my pets past and present. I still have the ashes of my dogs and I want them either buried with me or spread with my ashes so they will be with me always. For now they are in a place of honor with a picture, and not all in the same place. One is downstairs near where he liked to lay because it was cool there another 2 are up in my bedroom near their favorite spot. When this place sells they will all go in a special spot together until I die.

It's hard to write this without tears forming but I'd like everyone who replied to know how much your words mean to me. I wouldn't know any of you if I passed you in the street but when I turned to you for solace, you took some time out of your life to reply.

Thank you.

Ride safe,

Neill