Q. How did Grand Canyon formed?
A Scotsman dropped his penny into a small crack somewhere in Arizona.
Q. How did copper wire invented?
A. By two Scotsmen quarrelling for a penny.
What's the difference between a Scotsman and Mick Jagger? Jagger sings: "Hey, you, get offa my cloud" Scotsman shouts: "Eh, McCloud, get off my ewe!"
"Where do you come from?" the Scotsman asked an American. "From the greatest country in the world," replied the American. "Funny," said the Scotsman, "you've got the strangest Scottish accent I've ever heard."
A Scotsman visited London for his annual holiday and stayed at a large hotel. However, he didn't feel that the natives were very friendly. "At three o'clock every morning," he told a friend, "they hammered on my bedroom door, one the walls, even on the floor and ceiling. Sometimes they hammered so loud I could hardly hear myself playing the bagpipes.
An Englishman and a Scotsman are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Scotsman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of sherry. He hands the bottle to the Englishman, whom exclaims " May the Scots and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony". The Englishman then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Scotsman, whom replies: "No, thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here".
MacDonald was in poor health. He asked his friend MacDougal if he would pour a bottle of scotch over his grave if he should die one of these days. MacDougal said, "Sure'n I'll be glad, laddie, but would you mind if I passed it through my kidneys first?"
A cute Highland girl was giving a manicure to a man in Dunkeld barber shop. The man said "How about a date later?" She said, "I'm married." "So call up your husband and tell him you're going to visit a girlfriend." She replied, "You tell him yourself- he's shaving you".
