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Investment tips for 2008/2009

With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and Acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America this might be some good advice. For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in later this year:

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. Will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:
Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa .

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronic s and Honeywel l Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
Knott NOW!

For Your Info:
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock
one year ago you would have $49.00 left.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the
original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one
year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 cash.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice
is to drink heavily and recycle.

And can you believe all anyone does is tell me I drink too much...if they only knew how smart I actually am!

Are you saving the cans?

As Nancy reagan told us a long time ago...Just Say No....Its bad for ya.

actually, i really am trying to figure out exactly 'when' to jump into the market, and on what. it can't go down forever.

yeah, lol. 'into', not 'because of'

I guess back then, they were jumping out of the market at the first window of opportunity.

Buy Gold , buy Gold , buy Gold . Bullion and coins . A tradeable commodity in a world where paper currency may be devalued to a point where it's virtually worthless .

Now don't get any wise ideas , even though I keep all my Gold in the cabinet directly over the dishwasher , there is a padlock on it .

That's what they said in '29. It's going to be a very rough year in '08 and '09 regardless of who wins the presidential race.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!