 Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 12,164 Likes: 1
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 12,164 Likes: 1 |
Quote:
"Alcohol is the cause of and solution to all of life's problems" Homer Simpson
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me instead of frontal labotomy
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,099
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,099 |
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me, than a pre-frontal lobotomy. Tom Waits Sorry Soren, but you misquoted 
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 18,825
"Lighten up, Francis."
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"Lighten up, Francis."
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 18,825 |
Quote:
Bill Hicks said:
All matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves... Heeere's Tom with the weather.
It loses a little in plain text. Here you go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXmzcroUmdU
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
And here's a famous quote made about 80 years ago or so by one of the all-time great Americans, Will Rogers. And "I think" it's just as applicable today as it was then, wouldn't ya say?!.... "I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat!" (and if you'd care to view a whole passel of other insightfully funny quotes from the great Will Rogers, allow me to direct you to: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/w/will_rogers.html
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 23,194 Likes: 56
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 23,194 Likes: 56 |
Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
I learned all I need to know about life by killing smart people and eating their brains.
Eat right ,Exercise ,Stay fit, Die Anyway!
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,821
Bar Shake
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Bar Shake
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,821 |
A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
Kay
Contra todo mal, mezcal; contra todo bien, también
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,821
Bar Shake
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Bar Shake
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,821 |
William Claude Dukenfield:
I never drink water, fish f*** in it.
Contra todo mal, mezcal; contra todo bien, también
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 255
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 255 |
You are what you is... F.Z
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,821
Bar Shake
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Bar Shake
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,821 |
Contra todo mal, mezcal; contra todo bien, también
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
Quote:
William Claude Dukenfield:
I never drink water, fish f*** in it.
Ah yesss! And I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which by the way I also keep handy.
Last edited by Dwight; 05/09/2008 12:46 AM.
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 820
3/4 Throttle
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OP
3/4 Throttle
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 820 |
"Harder than the nipples on a blind lesbian at a fish market"
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 311
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 311 |
"Never knock another mans racket~~
get one better,,,,,
My Dad, to me after complaining about a job I once had,,,,,,,,,
________________________________
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_WXxYGyRas
Noli Irritate Leones
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555 |
some favorites
"Never tell a woman the truth."...my Dad
"Ich bin ein berliner"....John Kennedy
"Get thar the fastest,with the mostest"...Nathen Bedford Forrest, {Confederate cavalry comander)
"We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately." ...Ben Franklin
"I am the presedent of Iraq, I want to negotiate"...Saddam Husein when found hiding in his hole.
The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555 |
Oh I left out.."I did not have sex with that woman"...Slick Willy
The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 738
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 738 |
"A reasonable man adapts himself to the world, an unreasonable man adapts the world to himself. The world depends on the unreasonable man"
Oscar Wilde
One day as a tiger is worth a thousand as a sheep
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 738
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 738 |
"whenever I open my mouth some idiot starts to speak"
Old Wobble Gob - My Engineering Science teacher
One day as a tiger is worth a thousand as a sheep
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,717 Likes: 5
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,717 Likes: 5 |
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
Always remember to be yourself. Unless you suck. Then pretend to be someone else.
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,717 Likes: 5
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10,717 Likes: 5 |
and this one you just have to hear http://helptheiraq.ytmnd.com/
Always remember to be yourself. Unless you suck. Then pretend to be someone else.
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555 |
Yes well they are not called "Brain Pagents" now are they?
The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 174
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 174 |
"OH, the internet is on computers now!"
Homer J. Simpson
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,610
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,610 |
"They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you f—ked up!" -Chris Rock
A son will teach you in one week what your Dad tried to teach you for 21 years.
Stewart
.......
"It's outside your field of expertise."
"Poppycock normally is."
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555 |
Quote:
"They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you f—ked up!" -Chris Rock
A son will teach you in one week what your Dad tried to teach you for 21 years.
The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 820
3/4 Throttle
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OP
3/4 Throttle
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 820 |
Seen on an SF site and supposedly an overheard conversation in Waterstones (Bookshop):
Elderly Lady: Hello, I'm trying to find something for my 16 year old Grandson. He doesn't really like reading but he does like Pratchett.
Staff member: What about Rankin?
Elderly lady: Well, I suppose that might keep him quiet for a while but I'm really after a book.
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 429
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 429 |
Here is one of my favorites
Anyone who stops learning is old,
Wether twenty or eighty,
Anyone who keeps learning stays young,
The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.
Henry Ford
You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one
John Lennon
Imagine
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty, anyone who keeps learning stays young, the greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.
Henry Ford
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,680
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,680 |
Life is a swirling, sucking, eddy of despair with brief moments of false hope in an ever blackening universe...
(not sure who said it, but it is a personal favorite, from which a friends wife made a cross stitch sampler)
Thom
I might be wrong, I sometimes am.
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 422
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 422 |
"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! " Terry Pratchett
Morituri Nolumus Mori
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 820
3/4 Throttle
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OP
3/4 Throttle
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 820 |
Quote:
Life is a swirling, sucking, eddy of despair with brief moments of false hope in an ever blackening universe...
(not sure who said it, but it is a personal favorite, from which a friends wife made a cross stitch sampler)
Emo Phillips?
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 820
3/4 Throttle
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OP
3/4 Throttle
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 820 |
Although technically not a single quote and technically not from today this is a classsic excerpt from The Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy (the ingenius book not the sh1t film):
So the barman said,
- Oh yes sir? Nice weather for it, - and started pulling pints.
He tried again.
- Going to watch the match this afternoon then?
Ford glanced round at him.
- No, no point, - he said, and looked back out of the window.
- What's that, foregone conclusion then you reckon sir? - said the
barman. - Arsenal without a chance?
- No, no, - said Ford, - it's just that the world's about to end.
- Oh yes sir, so you said, - said the barman, looking over his
glasses this time at Arthur. - Lucky escape for Arsenal if it did.
Ford looked back at him, genuinely surprised.
- No, not really, - he said. He frowned.
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555 |
"Life is like a sh!t sandwich, the more bread ya have, the less sh!t you must eat"...author unknown
The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 999
3/4 Throttle
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3/4 Throttle
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 999 |
"Being a joke to idiots is not a badge of shame."
and of course, my sig.
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." - Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus
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 Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,626
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,626 |
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Steelheart- '03 Speedmaster Black/Yellow
The Hayabusa Killa
16" Shorties/140 mains/Airbox drilled
Procom CDI
"There is no cure for Celibacy. But we can treat the symptoms."
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,626
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,626 |
No Battle Plan survives contact with the Enemy.
Steelheart- '03 Speedmaster Black/Yellow
The Hayabusa Killa
16" Shorties/140 mains/Airbox drilled
Procom CDI
"There is no cure for Celibacy. But we can treat the symptoms."
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 260
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 260 |
"Life is like a septic tank... all the big chunks rise to the top first". - Author unknown
Or my personal favorite:
"Remember... no matter where you go, there you are." - Buckaroo Bonzai
Remember; no matter where you go, there you are.
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,610
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,610 |
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
-unknown
Stewart
.......
"It's outside your field of expertise."
"Poppycock normally is."
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 401
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 401 |
Quote:
"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! " Terry Pratchett
The divorced man says, sorry, the wife got the glasses, will a mug do
The path of excess leads to the Palace of Wisdom
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 401
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 401 |
A masogonist is a man who likes women as much as they like each other...Oscar Wilde
The path of excess leads to the Palace of Wisdom
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,630 Likes: 7
Monkey Butt
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Monkey Butt
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,630 Likes: 7 |
'If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.'
Mark Twain
We all like to think of ourselves as rugged individualists. But when push comes to shove most of us are sheep who do what we are told. Worst of all, a lot of us become unpaid agents of whoever is controlling the agenda by enforcing the current dogma on the few rugged individualists who actually exist.
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,525
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,525 |
Quote:
and this one you just have to hear
http://helptheiraq.ytmnd.com/
Erwin
05 America
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 401
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 401 |
Homer Simpson to Bart when building a BBQ. Son, now we can burn evidence together.
The path of excess leads to the Palace of Wisdom
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Re: Quotes
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 768
3/4 Throttle
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3/4 Throttle
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 768 |
'I don't trust anyone who doesn't drink' - Humphrey Bogart
'We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out' - Decca Recording Company (rejecting the Beatles, 1962)
Sometimes it takes a whole tank full of fuel before you think straight
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