Well, this is the first day near the web for days...
despite getting my annual Influenza vaccine...I have been hit hard by the flu bug...dirty little SOB...this is day 4 of temps between 100 and 103...the hair on my baby toes aches!!...the pain from the chills and aches from the full body tremors, is becoming a welcomed friend, as it distracts me from the constant vice-like pressure that surrounds my head! The mear effort of taking a breath is reinforced with ribbons of pain that run from my sternum around the outside of my ribs and down to the base of my spine...And this is how I feel today!! when I feel well enough to explain my absence...
to make matters even worse Aunt Cathy is only about 18 hours behind me in the progression....when I thought of the two of us getting all sweaty together and not getting out of bed for 4 flippin days....this IS'NT WHAT I WAS THINKING!!!
here is the symptoms (for those who have never had the FLU)
Hour 1: slight scratchy throat
Hour 2: sore throat
Hour 3: when the Fk did I gargle with battery acid!!!??
Hour 4: Is My head some how connected to the city water works??
Hour 5: I'm going to lie down.
Hour 6: get every blanket, jacket, sweater, dogbed, and any other semi flexible objects, and place them in a large pile on your bed...climb under pile.
Hour 7: Collect all the old paint cans from your garage and your neighbors also, while your at it put some fresh cream in a jar....place around you in bed...convulse until the cream stops sloshing about and you have fresh butter...
Hour 8: Violently remove all paint, and other Semi rigid items from ontop of your death pyre, lie naked on top of it all and watch as you rapidly become the best "soaker hose" $ can buy...remember to call insurance man for estimate on "flood damage" to the dry wall around your death bed...
Hour 9: become genuinely fearful that you are actually dying!
Hour 10 thru 18 repeat hour 6 thru 9 at irregular and totally random cycles
Hour 19: become genuinely fearful that you are NOT dying, and worse you lack the physical strength to move and kill your self!!!
Hour 20: Ask wife why she's home early (hopefully to kill me!) but instead she says something about battery acid...
realise that your entire lives depend upon your 13 yearold Son to nurse you, because you now require more time to move to the bathroom that a thirteen yearold girl at a Hannah Montanah concert does (and it's only 8 flippin feet from my bed)
repeat above for next 24 hours....return from two hour bathroom trip, and discover that your room smells like a High School Boys locker room after the big game!...actually I think the Locker room smells better.
Realize that you are so sick YOU DON'T CARE! splash back into bed and pray for an early death!!!
Discover that you CAN gross out a 13 YO Teenager! (when HE says it stinks BAD realize something must be done! and with any luck the effort will kill me dead!)
Convince moribund bride to move, change sheets, have boy child spray the room and his dying parents with lysol, frebreaze, airwick, heII Gasoline might kill the stench!
Now Continue that for two more days!!
that brings us to today...My temp is down to 100.6 and I'm sitting (kinda)
this is the 2nd time in 44 years that I have had the Flu...
And if I hear one more pipehead tell me that they had "a touch of the flu" over the weekend. I going to run them over with my truck, carry their broken body to the local Ice cream freezer, toss them in for an hour or so, then its off to the paint shop for a stay in their enamel bake oven, and I'm gonna keep doing that for 7-10 days...now if I can just figure out how to get them to produce the rainbow of colors that breathing /coughing produces.
The Flu (the real macoy) SUCKS People take precautions be safe and stay healthy....
now I'm going back to bed!
