Quote:

"how liberating! a lady that changes her own oil!"



Heres one for the ladies.

Oil Change, Men and Women.

Women.

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Men.

1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50 for oil, filter, oil lifter (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Spend 10 minutes cussing. Dump old oil in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack up car. Spend 30 minutes cussing while looking for jack stands.
5. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
6. Place oil pan under engine.
7. Look for ratchet
8. Look for 9/16 socket to go on ratchet.
9. Spend 15 minutes cussing, then use adjustable wrench.
10. Drop drain plug in hot oil, get hot oil on you and spend 15 minutes cussing while you clean hot oil of your hands and arms.
11. Have another beer while oil is draining.
12. Drink a beer and clean up spilt oil.
13. Look for the special $50 oil filter wrench you brought for the last oil change you did.
14. Spend 15 minutes cussing, then poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist off.
15. Beer break.
16. Buddy shows up, finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
17. Next day, drag oil pan from under car.
18. Spend twenty minutes cussing while you clean up spilt oil from step 17.
19. Beer. Spend 15 minutes cussing your buddy who drank all the beer yesterday.
20. Go to the store and buy more beer
21. Dump first quart of new oil in engine.
22. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto the floor. Begin cussing fit.
23. Slip with adjustable wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
24. Begin another cussing fit.
25. Throw wrench at the wall.
26. Cuss for an additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December and marked up her left tit.
27. Put the rest of fresh oil in the engine.
28. Clean up and apply band-aid to bleeding knuckle.
29. Drink a beer.
30. Lower car from jack stands.
31. Accidentally crush one jack stand. Spend 15 minutes cussing at cheap jack stands and how they don’t make things like they used to.
32. Move car back to apply oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 27.
33. Drive car ½ quart of oil low for 7000 miles when it’ll be time for another oil change.
34. Sit back, drink a beer and think how women have no idea the effort it takes to keep a car in tip top condition.

Arsenalfan. AKA Mark Able Seller of fine automobiles. Jaguar, Land Rover, Porsche of Chattanooga 423-424-4000