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I learned with my father (who died in 1980 of respiratory failure) that the lack of oxygen to the brain caused by the diminished lung capacity causes damage resulting in dementia-like symptoms.

Not trying to be a downer here, just wanting to encourage you. Your aunt is still the same special aunt you grew up knowing and perhaps (probably) has not chosen to behave the way she is. It's the results of her disease.

As much as it seems contrary to our nature, it may be best to patronize her. She won't get better and her last days will be less stressful for all involved.




Bill- thanks for your words! I've read now quite a bit about the damage that COPD and chronic oxygen deprivation does to the brain (and personality). My Mum (who's a retired nurse) and I have both advocated to my aunt (also a retired nurse) and to the docs/hospitals/pulmonary rehab placements over the last several years for an anti-depressant as part of her drug protocol- my aunt refuses to take one, although she will on occasion pop an Ativan (when pressured at home, or when in the hospital for an acute episode) for the anxiety that also circles along with difficulty breathing. (This is where her "choice" comes in, it's been explained to her repeatedly that an anti-depressant is common as part of the array of treatments prescribed. She also refuses to stay compliant with pulmonary/physical therapy following her acute hospital stays and most often insists on leaving skilled nursing/rehab placements early, against medical advise.)

I try to hold in my mind the pictures of who my aunt used to be, like you said- and I pray for the mercy and compassion to care for her in the spirit of those pictures and past experiences together. It must be so horrible to be struggling like she is ,and as a retired nurse, to know what's coming.

"Let your soul shine, It's better than sunshine, It's better than moonshine, ****** sure better than rain." -ABB