Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge OT - Lawyer Stories

To start this off, the following is a true lawyer story.

Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Does it surprise anybody that our politicians are mostly lawyers?

Listening to my tires drone on I95 last night, I was thinking about that same story (spent Christmas in NC). Wonder if I could get a new Roadtrek...

New Year's resolution: Contact the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe.

boy,,, we should get some interesting,STUPID, stories out of this-----let the games begin!!!!!

And of course, it's BS!

Check Snopes next time

Typical of the lies spread by those who wish to limit the ability of ordinary people to obtain effective legal counsel.

I heard a similar story about 30 years ago. A Japanese couple was vacationing in the US and rented a motorhome. The man thought the cruise control was an Auto Pilot and got up from the seat to go have lunch with the same results as that story.

Dang it Bill, ya beat me to it!

Reminds me of the guy who sued Toro because the didn't tell him not to pick up his mower and use it for a hedge trimmer.

It still doesn't beat the woman sueing MCDONALDS cause her coffee was to hot.....Angelis

Who would have thought a 78 year of vagin was worth that much lol

Sorry I will go to the corner now

Q: Why did they start using lawyers in laboratory experiments?

A: Because there are some things that rats just will not do.



Cheers,
Brad

That and they have much in common with human beings.

heard about a woman who tried to dry her cat in a microwave once, and then sued (and won) the company that made the microwave because the manual didn't say that she couldn't to that.

wonder if that's true

Farmer John was injured when a truck hit his pick-up, and he filed a lawsuit against the driver who hit him. When the case went to trial, the truck driver's big city lawyer questioned farmer John."After the accident, did you not say to the sheriff's deputy, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.

Farmer John answered, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...."

"I did not ask you about your mule," the lawyer interrupted, "I asked you about your statement to the sheriff's deputy. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"

Farmer John answered, "Like I was saying, I loaded Bessie into the trailer, and I hitched it to my pick-up truck...."

The lawyer angrily turned to the judge. "Your honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the sheriff's deputy on the scene that he was just fine. Now, many months after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. If his case is not a fraud, he should be able to answer my question with a simple 'yes' or 'no.' Please tell him to simply answer the question."

The judge, somewhat curious about the mule, responded, "Let's hear what he has to say. If he doesn't get around to answering your question, we'll deal with it after we find out about Bessie."

Farmer John thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, Bessie was in my trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge truck ran the stop sign and smacked my truck. My pick-up went into the ditch, and the trailer tipped over. I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, and I knew that she was in a bad way, but I was hurtin' real bad and I couldn't even move. Then, the deputy came, and he could hear Bessie, so he went over to her. He looked at her for a moment, then he took out his gun and he shot her right between the eyes. Then the deputy came across the road with his gun in his hand, looked me right in the eyes, and asked, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

Here's another kind of coffee spill story...

http://www.gloucestertimes.com/pubiz/local_story_360094019?keyword=topstory

Keep in mind, these people wanted to sue, so they went out and got lawyers. Granted, there are lawyers willing to sue over BS, but still...

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

Skid marks in front of the skunk.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?




Your honor.

What do you call a judge gone bad?


Senator.

What do you have when you have a lawyer neck deep in sand?


Not enough sand.

Little said about the truth to the little old lady who sued McDonalds over hot coffee. The seventy plus year old lady who required reconstructive vaginal surgery because her coffee was way above the regulated temp.(ever get a Dunkin coffee that wasn't 350 degrees or more), only requested the company pay her medical bills. They declined. What if this was your mom. I know that snopes will back this up.
My late twin brother was a fine attorney (counselor on this site)and a great human being. He and I enjoyed many lawyer jokes. He'd have shoved it up McDonald's can too. Remember, the jury sent the message. They have moms too. I suspect that hearing about the co.'s refusal to pay her medical bills infuriated them. However I 'm sure the co.'s decision was based upon the recommendation of their lawyers,so maybe you're right.

You are right Paul. Under the completed operations part of the liability policy they had no coverage on the burn but had MedPay. $5,000 was the limit.

McDonald Corp had decided many years prior to superheat the coffee because of market research. They had great success as the coffee was still hot when the customer got to the office.

Prior to her burn, they had settled over 100 other related burn cases for a few thousand each. They made a business decision to keep making money at the expense of the public good. Would you call their corporate lawyers great folks? Would you call the Nationwide Insurance Company lawyers great folks? Were they not lined up on the wrong side?

Then there is the lawyer on the back of my phone book. If you can breath you are a client. Sign up, he sends you to chiropractic care, then an MRI then sues for 50K. Only one problem, his client was never hurt. Then there are the folks who had no idea smoking was bad for them or fatty foods would make you fat. The people are the ones that sued but the lawyers were not required by law to take the cases.

Generally speaking the difference between a trial lawyer and a catfish is one is a bottom dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish.

The above line is my lawyer joke.

You guys are right on the money.

Most of these stories are embellished or outright fabricated by the "tort reform" activists.

Mind you, these activists are nothing more than insurance companies and large corporations that want no liability for defective products and services as witnessed by their insistence on eliminating contingency fees for attorneys, thus taking away the ability of the majority of citizens to be able to sue.
They would still keep their cadre of attorneys, of course.





A corporate lawyer and Mother Teresa are stranded in the desert after their airplane crashed. A week later, a search party arrives to rescue them. The party finds the lawyer relaxing in the shade of a cactus, while Mother Teresa has shriveled up and died of thirst.

"What happened?" they ask the lawyer. "How can you be in such great shape when Mother Teresa has died?"

The lawyer shrugged. "I guess she never found the water hole."

"The only thing I want from my bankers is a calender every year and for my lawyers to be back in their coffins before dawn"
(I believe he was repling to "just let the bankers and lawyers figure it out")

F. Ross Johnson (James Garner) in "Barbarians at the Gate"

what do you call 30 lawyers stuck on an airplane about to crash....






a start!



P.S. My sisiter is a lawyer!

This one is true, though not about lawyers.

When Ford released the Ford Expedition 10 years or so ago. I was selling Fords at the time. I watched the new vehicle information video. The segment telling you how to change a wheel the presenter stated. Make sure the car is stationary before attempting to jack up the vehicle.

I remember at the time thinking, I wonder if someone once tried to change the wheel while the car was moving and now Ford are covering their *%$#s

Pretty much whenever there is a warning, something like it already happened...

Like all plastic bags- THIS BAG IS NOT A TOY

Actually I heard the exact same story about 14 years ago from one of my profs at school, except he was telling it about a young Saudi prince over here in the states going to school. Other than the names being changed to protect the innocent, it was identical down to the Winnebago....

Anyone ever see a ladder with a single square inch without a warning label on it?

Hey! I just walked out into my garage and looked at my ladder, and it ain't got no labels on it, Paul!

(now where did I put that phone number for my lawyer Morrie Goldberg...I think I've just hit the jackpot here!!!)

Several years ago I was the foreman of the jury in a case where a bunch of 20 somethings and some teens were driving around on July 4th shooting fireworks at their neighbors from a rented Chevy Blazer. One of them dropped a lit bottle rocket into their stash of incendiaries causing it to explode, killing one and burning the rest of them quite severely.

They tried suing each other but none of them had anything so they decided to sue Alamo Rental Car since they had rented the car to them. After seven days of hearing how horrible their injuries were we, the jury, tossed the entire thing out.

That anyone would expect to get paid for blowing themselves up was bad enough, that a lawyer would take the case and the courts entertain it was even worse. Luckily the case was heard here in Iowa where juries can still tell BS when they see it.

(slaps dwight's wrist)

(Slaps it again...)

Now Benny! I'll abide by your wise counsel here, but tell me dude, what harm, or indeed what AUP rule did I cross when I responded to Larry boast about his good Mid-Western Stock's abilities to spot BS so well, by posting a very mild reference to his state's Caucus process and my hope that said "good Mid-Western Stock's" ability to see through said BS would be confirmed by tomorrow morning's count, and then afterward referring to all politicians as "friggin' lawyers"(this thread's original topic, mind you) of which I inferred should all be somewhat distrusted to some degree?

(a sentiment I'm sure is shared by a vast majority of folks around here, if not all, and which I've seen posted many times at BA.com without narry a hint of being deleted)

Yours Truly,
Dwight

(BTW...I won't count this event into our new running total on the "Agreement Count" starting his year...either one way or the other....I'd just like to know what you were thinkin', dude)

Hey! And I just noticed that with my above(extremely wordy) query....I'm now a "VISCOUNT"!!!

(WOW!!! Tell me...does that (vis)COUNT for ANYTHING around here???)

When I saw your reply had been "edited" I figured that was the case. In California or Florida those self exploding boneheads would probably have been rewarded with a huge settlement. Midwestern juries tend not to reward stupid, irresponsible and self destructive behavior. Also, I doubt that OJ would have been acquitted in Ohio, Missouri or Wyoming.

Well, you MIGHT have a point there, Larry.(maybe)

That good ol' mid-western stock there maybe does possess a more grounded outlook 'bout stuff!

(HEY...this reminds me...would you mind if we sent PHIL SPECTOR out your way for the next go-round, dude???)