Mark, I think you are going about things in the wrong way. I had a bad relationship with my own dad, who was pretty harsh on me when I was a kid. That sets the stage for the rest of a kid's life and really keeps them from reaching their potential. Start by saying you are sorry. Tell your kid you love him and stop worrying about what is going to happen to him when he grows up. It's his life. He needs you to support him unconditionally, even if he is making mistakes. I have made many mistakes in my life and still make mistakes to this day. You have to let go a little bit so that he can feel like he has some control over his own life. Once you stop coming down on him and he stops acting out of defiance, he may actually come around and want to talk to you. Ask him if he can agree to certain basic rules - withoug getting angry. He has to buy into whatever he is being asked to agree to, otherwise it will go nowhere. As far as drugs are concerned, my experience is that kids use drugs to cover up pain and feelings of low self esteem that probably originated years ago often from a poor parent-child relationship. Sometimes, drugs are the symptom of a deeper issue and are not necessarily the cause of the problems. Keep things in perspective, I didn't listen to everything my old man said, and in fact had to learn a lot of things the hard way in life. Most people I know had the same experience. Getting your relationship with your son back on track is the key and may take several years.
