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I'm not telling, it's best left to the past and that former life. It did, however, involve copious amounts of Tequila, poor judgement and a second floor Hoilday Inn window in Saginaw...
Ed, was that YOU???? 
Yeah, tequila combined with liquid LSD......vague snatches of memories involving a certain Spring Concert at UMASS/Amherst in the early 80s. My housemate and I had a business selling balloons while dressed as clowns for the UMASS outdoor music events. Next thing you know it's 3 days later and I'm in Lowell, MA with the balloons, the helium tank, talking all squeaky with equally squeaky talking members of a certain outlaw motorcyle club.
I've been drunk, and I've been sober. Sober is better. Less adventurous maybe, but in 21 years I haven't had to ride home on the back of a bike for 3 hours dressed as a clown.
"Let your soul shine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
****** sure better than rain."
-ABB
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