In Honor of Steven Wright WHO I AM GOING TO SEE TOMORROW EVENING IN PROVIDENCE AND I'M SO EXCITED I CAN'T EVEN PRETEND TO BE DEADPAN....

"The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me."

"What a nice night for an evening."

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums."

“I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit but it wouldn’t matter.”

“I went to take her out. Her father said, ‘I want her home by eight fifteen.' I said, ‘The middle of August? That’s cool.’”

"Let your soul shine, It's better than sunshine, It's better than moonshine, ****** sure better than rain." -ABB