Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Squirrels

Yesterday I was out riding and it was an unusually busy squirrel day. You know how they juke and give you a double head fake....well of course I never bite but just keep going straight ahead. Of course I can feel the inevitable is going to happen, so I'm wondering just how upsetting is it when you actually run over one. And I don't mean emotions here.

I would imagine the bike is heavy enough to pretty well crush whatever part of the body you hit, so I think any potential for upset would be from slick innards becoming "outards." Hopefully you'll be over it before much goo squirts out, though.

Not sure how upseeting it would be to me, but we have tons of squirells around here too. I have had several close encounters running them over the last couple of days. Luckily just before meeting an aweful demise, they make up their mind which way to run.

Soren

I'm forwarding this to PETA. Expect them to be around to confiscate your bike within the next few days. And if you're wearing your leather jacket when they arrive, watch out for flying paint.

It is a constant problem with bicycles, and they can really upset one. One wag indicated that the best way to avoid them is to head for them - it doesn't work.

I went on a group ride yesterday and the first topic of discussion when we stopped was how many flattened squirrels we'd had to avoid. Must be a trend...

I watched Nuthin blast a squirrel into bits once. It flew up in the air when he hit it, guts went everywhere, then he clipped it with his peg and it went spinning of into oblivion. It was gross, but didn't upset the bike.

Well I'm glad it's not just me who thinks they are multiplying...must be cyclical. Anyway I'm not as concerned about getting soiled as having the front end go squirrely if you'll pardon the pun.

Ran over a squirrel on my '77 Bonnie. Sickening "pop" sound I actually heard through the engine noise. I saw it coming and figured an evasive maneuver was too dangerous. The lighter bike handled well going over him, so I guess Triumph's are built for this particular vermin. As it was only half squashed, I pulled over and ensured the second half stopped moving around as humanely as possible with the heel of my Caterpillar steel toe. I believe all squirrels are either taliban or al qaeda, so I felt no remorse.

Regards,

Tom

Try using the horn, it kinda gives them that little hurry-up.

I'm more worried about the squirrels driving cars

hehe... you should try hitting cane toads. We deliberately aim for them here, as they're an introduced pest that multiplies like mad and kills off native wildlife. Ran over a biggish one sitting just outside my garage door one night - felt the bump so I knew I got him. Parked the bike and went back with a shovel to dispose of the remains and found the nasty critter hopping away across my front lawn as if nothing'd happened!

Then the shovel happened to him.

We have a lot of squirrels around here too and I try to forget about their obligatory little head jukes. Haven't hit one yet, knock on wood.

I did go on my first group ride of about 100 miles yesterday and it was really great. However, on a narrow two lane highway I barely missed a road-kill armadillo that came up in a curve right in my line. Thank goodness we were all staggered on the road and for the hand signals that the group gave. I guess it was un-nerving to me beacause I am so new back into riding and because it was on a sweeping curve at 60mph. The rest of the group didn't think too much about it as I spoke with them later in the day. Mostly they just smiled and nodded like it was an everyday occurance. It let me know that I still have a lot to re-learn.



Bob

LOL @ the fishbell. I had to give that a little jingle in CT , I couldn't help it , it just called out and said ring me!!

I have hit a cat broadside..just felt a little bump.

I posted this a few years ago (I thing on the old site) but I think it fits.


I never dreamed slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood would be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect.

I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop
immediately in front of me.

It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that
close. I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me.

I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes.

His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Bonzai!" or maybe, "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular...

He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel.

And losing...

I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his
business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my
left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all.

His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result.

Torque.

This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it. The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement.

The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in .. well .. I just plain screamed.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the
throttle... my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant Al Queda attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me.

As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment), so her front end started to drop.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finally I got the upper hand ... I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked ... sort-of. Spectacularly sort-of ...so to speak.

Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams. They weren't mine...

I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really...
Except for two things.

First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away
from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car.

So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway.
That was one thing. The other?

Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car ... but it was all his.

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves.
And a whole lot of Band-Aids.

Skip

I never actually seen this but I've heard the story of a guy on a bike hanging his foot out to "kick" a gopher while riding the highway. Apparently he ended up breaking his toes on impact, OOOOUUUUUCCCCCHHHHHHH!!

That is a good story. There are authors who have retired rich writing fiction that can't compare to it.

I try to run over every squirrel I see in the road.

In my book rodents = vermin.

Well, THAT'S EXACTLY what Meathead Dog always tried to do to THIS GUY-> www.scarysquirrel.org/screwysquirrel/screwysquirrel.html TOO, there Bart, but he never seemed to have much luck at it EITHER!!!

(long live the memory[and the cartoons] of Tex Avery!!!!)

Anybody remember the scene where our friend Screwy Squirrel comes to a big trunk of assorted stuff while being chased by Meathead Dog, stops, and reaches into the trunk and starts hitting Meathead upside the head with everything in it? Everything from an anvil to a xylophone!!! Well everything BUT.....

Meathead Dog: "Well...ah GEE! You jus' hit me wif EVERYTHIN' but tha KITCHEN SINK!!!"

Screwy Squirrel: "Well...I DON'T wanna DISAPPOINT ya, CHUM!!!"

(guess what's left in that trunk???)

BAAAAM!!!

I want to breed a cat that will hunt down and kill the squirrels in my pecan tree. 18 years and I have never gotten to eat a single pecan off my tree.

Mmmmm. Squirrela AND cats - Two of my favs. Both make a lovely pot roast when properly done. And since you mention pecans - I bet incoporating them somehow, there's a nice desert to be had as well.

PETA People - Get over it already - If it has fur, it has a purpose. The purpose is usually food or clothing.

And Skip - Thanks for the re-print. I remembered it fondly and appriciated reading it with the same enjoyment as the first time

A Beeman pellet rifle called the R-7 is bad medicine for backyard squirrels. I have cleaned out one hundred pest and vermin squirrels that were not afriad of mankind. Now I have a balanced population of wild squirrels that live in the trees, not my house.

There is also a handy dandy little item that looks like a granola bar. They come in a six pack from the hardware store. Squirrels cannot resist chewing on them and then wander off to die. Less sporting but just as effective as the other method of control.

When I 1st had the bike I was riding down the road coming up on a buzzard knawing at a road kil squirrel. As I got close it took off carrying it's prize straight down the road. The closer I got to it the more I wanted it to veer off to the side, which it did right before dropping said prized roadkill squirrel right in front of me, nearly pegging me. My buddy riding behind me was histerical.

Quote:

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I'm forwarding this to PETA.

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Now Now, there's room in this world for all of God's creatures - Right next to the Mashed Potatoes!!!
I love animals - I wear their skin and eat their flesh.

Actually, squirrels are not a bump in the ride. Not even in a curve, my back tire didn't even slip.

Wow I got a lot of responses but this sounds a lot like Jimmy Carter and the killer rabbit....frightening.

PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals

Well, there are the red ones, the brown ones and gray ones, but when in the Quad City area, watch out for the black ones, they are the cool looking ones.

Skip-
Nothing like a belly laugh to carry me off to work!
Thanks!

I think the old 'rule of thumb' is, "If you can eat it in one sitting, go over it; if you can't, try to go around it..."

I have attached a small, but serviceable, flame thrower to to the front of my bike. It is triggered by a button on my left handle grip. The moment some cute little squirrel wiggles its adorable little nose whilst sitting mid-highway, one blast of Shiva's Death not only clears the path but leaves behind a freshly roasted piece of tasty roadkill.

I tried mixing in some herbs with the flame thrower but it didn't work.

Siggy

I also hunt theselittlebastards. I havea row of squirrel skulls attached to my handlebars and I string their spines in a chain around my saddlebags. I have adopted the first strike stance. I hate them there squirrels.

Squirrels are responsible for so many of America's problems... I can't really see the harm in running them over.

We should build a fence. You know. One to keep the squirrels ( hateful littlebastards ) out. Only well trained dogs for me. Yessir.

Every Squirrel is named "Wacky Squirrel" to me...When I have my daughter or son on the back, I tell them to help me look for "Wacky Squirrel"...One day, I was maybe doin 75 or so, with an 18 wheeler coming at me opposite direction at the same speed...Enter "Wacky Squirrel"... he bolted into my lane, looked at me with those beady eyes, then continued across, barely missing the 18 wheelers rear dualies, he then appeared again in front of me coming out from underneat the trailer this time, on his belly, spinning like a ceiling fan, then barely missing my front tire, and off into the grass, never even getting a scratch...I was laughing so hard I had to wipe the tears from my eyes...