The REAL meaning of the Haynes instructions
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise. You do know which way is anticlockwise, don't you?
(AMERICAN Translation: Clamp the sucker with visegrips and then beat the crap out of it with a hammer goin' counter-clockwise. Don't chu know what "counter-clockwise" means, you dummy?!)
Haynes: Should remove easily.
Translation: Will be corroded into place ... clamp with adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with a hammer.
(AMERICAN translation: It's rusted like a MFer ... hold it with a crescent wrench then....[the rest, the same, pretty much])
Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in he!! matey! ... Clamp with adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with hammer.
(AMERICAN Translation: Ain't no way in he!! THAT sucker's going in THERE!!! Hold it with a crescent wrench...etc, etc, etc....)
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
(AMERICAN Translation: Ya SHOULD'A read the friggin' INSTRUCTIONS before you tackled disassembling that d*mn tranny, you hockey puck you!!!)
Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (industrial size).
(AMERICAN Translation: Go get a freakin' CAN of WD40...the BIG can!)
Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Crikey what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!
(AMERICAN Translation: What the F... was THAT!!! It almost put my eye out!)
Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!
(AMERICAN Translation: same...aka "Putting it on the back-burner" in The States)
Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
(AMERICAN Translation: Murphy's Law(hey...he was IRISH, wasn't he?)
Haynes: One spanner rating (simple).
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?
(AMERICAN Translation: GEEEEZ!!! Your MOM could'a done this crap...How the heck did you screw this up so bad???!!!)
(I KNEW most o' you guys[fellow Yanks] would know this stuff, but cha never know, ya know!)
(Aren't cha glad I'm always 'round here ta help?)
