Now look here chaps, I had a word with Her Majesty this morning and, being a well known Biker Chick, she was a bit pi**ed off to say the least! She said she'd send a gunboat !
She put me through to the First Sealord of the Admiralty and He said that he was sure the Royal Navy had one somewhere, but he hadn't seen one for a while. He said the Rear Admiral would know where one was, so he put me though.
The rear Admiral told me that, because we closed all of our shipyards and steelworks in the 1980's as a condition of entry into the EEC to satisfy France, the French are now building a gunboat for us, and as soon as it is finished, we can send that. I got back to the First Sealord with the good news.
"GOOD LORD !" he spluttered, "a Royal Navy ship built by the FRENCH !". "It don't matter who built it I said, "we need it to fire a shot across the bows of these BIR upstarts !"
"you'll have to check with Tony Blair " he said and put me through.
Tony Blair said we could send a gunboat as long as it didn't have guns because it might offend some bad people somewhere, and besides that, his wife being a Human Rights Lawyer hadn't managed to get a quote in to the Legal Aid board for funding to represent BIR yet.
I told him that the First Sealord didn't want a French built ship in the Royal Navy but Tony said "when did I ever listen to anyone else's opinion?"
So Back to Her Majesty I went with the news.
"My husband and I are not amused" she began, " at this rate we will only have one motorcycle builder left in the UK soon and they will outsource the build to Thailand". " I'll send a gunboat....."
