HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
1. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
2. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
3. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
5. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
6. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
7. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
8. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
9. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
10. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
12. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
13. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
14. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
15. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
16. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
17. Ask people what gender they are.
18. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
19. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
20. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
21. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
