For those with NO childeren...This is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age..this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age ...this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age...this is a warning.
For those who are trying to have children...this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin,Texas:
Things I've learned from my children(honest & no kidding):
1.A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000-sq ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run them over with rollerblades, they can ignite.
3.A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all 4 walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times to get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush & the words "uh-oh" it's already too late. (No matter how old the child!)
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke and alot of it.
9. A 6 year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do that in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's can pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters don't like Jell-O.
15. VCR's don't eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags don't make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably don't want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys don't like ovens.
20. The fire deparment in Austin,TX has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine doesn't make earth worms dizzy. It will, however , make cats very dizzy.
22. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
23. The mind of a 6 year old is wonderful.
First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the 3 little pigs to her class. She came to the part where the first pig was trying to gather the materials for his home. She said"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said,"Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class,"And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
24. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox & brake fluid.
