 What not to say.
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555
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OP
Loquacious
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555 |
Ten things NOT to say when cop asks "Do you know why I stopped you?"
10. "You're lonely?"
9. "You thought I was your daddy/mommy?"
8. "You think guys/girls in leather are hot?"
7. "BADGES!!!! BADGES!!! we don't need no stinking badges"
6. "Sheriff Taylor said you could load your gun, and you need help?"
5. "You are lost, and need directions to the Dunkin Donuts?"
4. "I look like the guy that winked at you in the bar?"
3. "You mean to tell me YOU DONT KNOW"
2. "Cuz I dropped my dope about a mile back?"
1. "Cuz you're an a**hole?"
The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams
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Re: What not to say.
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,099
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,099 |
You wanted a better look at my Triumph?
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 Re: What not to say.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 15
Complete Newb
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Complete Newb
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 15 |
because you thought i had donuts.
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Re: What not to say.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,821
Bar Shake
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Bar Shake
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,821 |
So this guy was pulled over for speeding. Right out of the middle of traffic going the same speed.
When the officer asked him what he did for a living, he replied, "I'm a rectum stretcher".
The cop says, "what the hell is that"?
He replies, " I start with one finger, go to two, then three, etc. I pull and stretch until it's six feet in diameter."
The cop asks him "what do you do with a six foot arsehole?
The reply, "give him a badge and a gun, and put him in your patrol car."
Contra todo mal, mezcal; contra todo bien, también
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Re: What not to say.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 255
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 255 |
Remind them that they are a public servent and tell them to make you a sandwich
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Re: What not to say.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,630 Likes: 7
Monkey Butt
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Monkey Butt
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,630 Likes: 7 |
Well no officer I don't know how fast I was going, the speedometer only goes to 120!
We all like to think of ourselves as rugged individualists. But when push comes to shove most of us are sheep who do what we are told. Worst of all, a lot of us become unpaid agents of whoever is controlling the agenda by enforcing the current dogma on the few rugged individualists who actually exist.
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Re: What not to say.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 4,541
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jan 2005
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Man your slow. I passed you ten miles ago. What kept you 
Arsenalfan. AKA Mark Able
Seller of fine automobiles.
Jaguar, Land Rover, Porsche of Chattanooga
423-424-4000
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Re: What not to say.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2
Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 20,096 Likes: 2 |
(the following comes courtesy of a "pre-Politically Correct" America)......
The Patrol Office: "Sir, I pulled you over because you appear to be under the influence AND you were going the WRONG WAY down a one-way street!"
The drunk driver: "I did, ossifer???!!! Well, I'll be DARN! I didn't KNOW this was a one-way street!"
The Patrol Officer: "Well sir, didn't you see all the arrows pointed AT YOU as you drove down this street?"
The drunk driver: "ARROWS? NO, ossifer! I didn't see any ARROWS! Hell...I didn't even see any INJUNS!!!"
Yep! Just like a good Single Malt Scotch, you might call me "an acquired taste" TOO.(among the many OTHER things you may care to call me, of course)
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Re: What not to say.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 326
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 326 |
made me 
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Re: What not to say.
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555
Loquacious
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OP
Loquacious
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,555 |
A young girl was riding the new bicycle that she had just gotten for Christmass in a city park.
A Policeman on horse back stops her and asks...
"So did Santa give you that bicycle?"
"Yes" she replies "isnt it a beuty?"
"Yes it is" says the officer "but you have to tell Santa that he forgot to put a reflector on the back" and hands her a $5 ticket.
The little girl looks at the ticket...then up at the officer and says.
"Thats a nice horse you have did Santa give it to you?"
The policeman chuckles and says "Why yes Santa gave him to me"
The little girl says..
"Tell Santa next time to put the d**k under the horse"
The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams
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