Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Thought to Ponder

Woman who fly upside down in airplane have crack up.

you know what TEAM stands for?

Together
Everyone
Annoys
Me

"Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs."

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
-Douglas Adams

Wait a minute Paula!

These theories are hogwash, and I can prove it.

You see, I HAVE discovered what the Universe "is for and why it's here"!

The Universe is here so that I can periodically jump on one of my Triumphs and cleanse all the mental flotsome and jetsome that accumulates in that organ located between my ears.(small though it may be...but that's a different topic all together)

And so, if that is indeed the case, then by simple deduction, these theories can not possibly be "true" or "correct", per se.

I mean, NONE of the Triumphs sitting in my garage have ever "instantly disappeared" and been "replaced" by some un-seen mystical hand into HARLEYS!!!

So, if you ever run across this Doug character whom you quoted, you can tell him for me that he's full o' crap!!!

No good deed goes unpunished.

here are a couple.
when rideing lead...dont spit!!
two lane blacktop isnt a highway, its an attitude!!
if you really want to know whats going on, watch whats happening 5 cars ahead !!
if she canges her oil more than she changes her mind, follow her !!
theres something ugly about a new bike on a trailer!!
three things that cant be trusted, a fart, a cook, and a rearview mirror !!
if you cant get it going with bungee cords and/or duct tape, its serious !!
if you ride like theres no tommorow, there probably wont be!!
bikes parked out front usualy mean cold beer and good burgers!!
good free advise is worth every penny!!
young riders pick a destination, old riders pick a direction!!
sometimes it takes a whole tank of gas before you can think straight!!
bigger dont always mean more powerfull!!
thers more to rideing a motorcycle thanholdin on to the handlebars and keepin your feet on the pegs!!
when you start thinkin you know more than that motorcycle, its time to park it!!
and last for now
there are drunk bikers and there are old bikers but few old drunk bikers

From "A Cowboy's Guide to Life" by Texas Bix Bender

-Write it in your heart. Stand by the code, and it will stand by you. Ask no more and give no less than Honesty, Generosity, Loyalty, and Fairness.

-Don't worry about bit'in of more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

-Don't get mad at somebody that knows more'n you do. It ain't their fault!

"Always keep clothes and weapons where they can be found in the dark."

~Lazarus Long.

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tired.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

what makes teflon stick to the pan???

Why is it called a hotwater heater???...hot water doesn't need heating!

if you drove your car at the speed of light then turned on the headlights would the light anything???

If God is all powerful, can he make a rock so big even he can't lift it????

Just because you can do a thing, does not mean you have to do it.

If heartaches were commercials we'd all be on t.v.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.

Lottery: A tax on people who are really bad at math

Rehab is for quitters

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking

Experience is something you don't get until just after you needed it

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard

One more thing from the cowboys manual is don't kiss your ranch hand on the first date!!

why are the keys always in the last place you look?
and on that note why do you look in the refrigerator for them?

My dear old Dads favorite sayings.

Never turn down a free drink.

Never tell a woman the truth.

The universe is impossible.

Here, pull my finger.

From the book of inponderables of the same name.....

Why do clocks run clockwise........

It is with water. It always swirls the same direction here but go to other side of the world and it always goes the other way as it goes down the drain etc..

I pulled my muscle

Shut up and reboot.

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

If god is a woman,man would have been created with his penis attached to his chin.

You can argue with a woman...

... but you'll never win

I won an arguement with my wife once.

Only because she was sleep at the time.

"I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off the Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work fairly well. I think we should also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, NO Raping People, Thank You for Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try."
George Carlin

Aah! Once again I guess I must be the one single solitary soul to shoot(HEY! Was THAT a pretty darn good attempt at alliteration or WHAT?!) the proverbial holes into yet another little theory making the rounds around here!(and here I always thought Mr.Carlin was soooooooo smart)

THIS won't work of course, and NOT because they will ignore those darn signs...it's because five'll get cha ten that they can't even READ 'em!!!

(Illiteracy...that's NOT the same as what I attempted above, of course...is one of our most pressing problems in this country today, ya know?!)

Man who fart in church sit in his own pew.

Behind every good man is a woman naggin the heck outa him!

"I don't ask for much, the truth will do just fine."

to err is human , to forgive is not my policy.

Why did I ride my bike to work this morning in 35 F temps, just so I could ride home (the long way) in 65 F temps?

No need to answer.