Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Thirty things about women men need to know.

Silly, sweet, and some of them are TRUE.

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at her house...she runs around in her underwear just like we do.

2. DON'T CHEAT ON HER. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, she WILL find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ****** at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the ****** hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell her she's beautiful.

5. Don't refuse to kiss her in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's just because they're jealous.

6. If she slaps you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch her if you want to. If she's going out with you in the first place, it's because she likes being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with her, DON'T tell your friends that you did.
8.5 If you DO sleep with her, DON'T tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a ****..
11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the s&*t out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, EVER slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like s*^t, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better ****** well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their god ****** birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice. ( not applicable for all)

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

ummm... ok. A response from the more hirsute gender...

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the Rules from the male side. These are our rules:-

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE AS THEY ARE ALL THE ONE GOLDEN RULE.

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Here's ten more that was edited out of the list.

31. They actually enjoy making sandwiches for their man.
32. Don't touch her vacuum cleaner, it's a prized possession
33. A nice set of cooking pots is the perfect gift.
34. They feel taking out the trash is an honor. Do the honorable thing.
35. Buy her those lime green fishnet stockings she covets.
36. No, really does mean yes.
37. Childbirth is actually no more painful then passing a kidney stone.
38. Trimming toe nails is a treat.
39. They really don't want to be on the joint checking account.
40. Display your trust. Give them the car keys for the next beer run.

From the immortal prophet, Chris Rock:

"Do you know what the F women want?
I know what women want: everything.

You know what men want?
Food, sex, silence.
That's it.
Food, sex, silence.
Feed me, F me, shut the F up!
Our goals seem very attainable, don't they?"

Post deleted by Grump

Grump,
That very funny Larry Miller line is part of his routine that includes....

"Yes! Women, like men, sometimes go to those strip clubs...those kinds that cater to them, like Chippendales. Have you ever seen those ladies there? Well I have! I went with a girlfriend of mine once. All The women there were hoopin' and hollerin' at the guys up on stage, but of course that's all it was...just one big goof!"

"NOW, to show you the difference in how MEN react at strip clubs...when there's a woman undressing on stage, the men in the audience are mostly very "reserved"!"

"Okay, actually to get a better idea of this...Have you ever watched those National Geographic Specials on TV, and noticed how in those programs the LIONS stare at that herd of WILDEBEASTS?"

Paula,
Lighten up. Be a dear and go get us all a coffee.

NOW, to show you the difference in how MEN react at strip clubs...when there's a woman undressing on stage, the men in the audience are mostly very "reserved"!"

"Okay, actually to get a better idea of this...Have you ever watched those National Geographic Specials on TV, and noticed how in those programs the LIONS stare at that herd of WILDEBEESTS?"

Quote:

---

Paula,
Lighten up. Be a "dear" and go get us all a coffee.

---

MMMMM....DEER! I like deer EVEN BETTER than Wildebeest, Barry!

Forget the coffee Paula. Just COME HERE, deer...er...DEAR!

Let me pass on something I learned about women from my wife of 35 years. She used this very successfully until I finally figured it out and started using it myself. Simple fact:
"It is easier to ask forgiveness than it is permission."

This also helps explain the TBA that showed up unannounced in September.
SteveB

This song kills me.... and that's all my wife will let me to say on this subject..... HERE

I don't drink coffee.
So, I guess I don't know what all the fuss is about.

Ladies,(Gina and Paula)
I know these Neanderthals around here can be a little hard-headed sometimes, but I think that most of us guys are more than ready to see a lady President.

In fact...I personally would like to see Laura Bush take over the reins of power ASAP!

I think she's kind'a HOT TOO!!!

(sorry...I couldn't hold that last part in...must'a been my "inner lion" talking)

Quote:

---

And where's the shovel?

---

Gina,
Last time I saw the shovel was in 'Other Bikes'.

My wife and I made an agreement at the beginning of our marriage. She would not complain about football and I would not complain about telenovellas (spanish soap opera). Fifteen years and counting. Also the "all first dates are on two wheels" rule weeds out those weird people that don't like motorcycles.

Beyond that, I accept I'll never understand women, I'm just glad they're gorgeous.

"thirty things about women men need to know."

THIRTY?? jeeze.

I thought thirty was a little excessive too... How am I supposed to pay attention that long.....

Uh, Kenny and Stewart?

That was the short list.....

Post deleted by Grump

well, my wife wont let me use the iron!, all you have to do to avoid useing this type of house hold instrument is(burn a hole in her best top!)as with the washing machine...(just put EVERYTHING in on a boil wash). you only need to do this once, and you are BANNED from useing these things for ever... shame eh?,also if you guys need to use the vacume cleaner, make sure you spill a drink n vacume it up!! hey presto!!! never need to use it again because when she buys a 'new' one, its 'hers' and keep off it!

wot do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? nothing..... cos you have already told her twice!!... ONLY JOKING, i truly have 100% respect for the fairer sex,i think deep down, all us men need them,life is truly empty without o good woman by your side!.or on the pillion seat!

You haven't met me yet have you Alan...?

heeheeheee

Be very afraid...

OH i am!!! PMT wots all that about??i always say be afraid of somthing that can bleed for a week n not die!!!?. haha, only joking(honest). like i said i have 100% respect for womankind!, but if you want to meet up n discuss it like 'adults', just let me know?, it would be good to have a ride out with you, but at the moment im on a Sprint not an America...(life is cruel n women are hard to please!)

tell me about it!!!. ive seen grizly bears that are easier going than some females!, but on the plus side,ive seen females that dont rip you apart as much as grizly bears!!

For which one I am.....

I'm not telling!

ill reserve judgement after i meet you Gina!
but from what ive read about you on previous posts, youre a pretty easy going kinda woman, that comands a certaian ammount of respect(and deserves it too). but if you want to have a ride out n show me you're claws! let me know!?

I'm a pu$sy cat really...

And the censor override is too much on this... hence the $ in *****

See...