Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge For the Gals here - OT

Ok - so I couldn't resist. All you guys are putting bad jokes on here, so I'm joining in. The gals will appreciate this! When I read it, made me laugh out loud.

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.

"Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked. "They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat, he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.
...........................Stupid, stupid man !!!

Becky (dont hate me cause I'm funny!)
(An now I'm off for Rocky Point - you all have a safe holiday weekend)

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

"Iron this."

HAHA...nice one Uncle Fill!

From a girly biker site.....

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes, until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger and jaffa cake body wash. Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Exitmould. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.



HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound.

Look at manly physique in mirror. Admire size of knob and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Make fart noises real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap. Shampoo hair, make shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry-off. Fail to notice water on floor. Admire knob size in mirror again.

Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

That's where you're wrong smart Alec!

Quote:

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Shampoo hair, make shampoo Mohawk

---

Just aint gonna happen!!!

So you're saying the rest are true...????

Don't have a wife ......

lol thats funny and supriseingly true.

And if you have a girlfriend, you grab her and pull her into the shower with you.

But fart sounds are exceptionally funny in the shower!

But real farts aren't.... I've smoked myself out before.

Gina, the rest aren't true. Why would I make a comment about the size of the knob that I installed on the faucet?
That'd be stupid.

To correct for accuracy purposes... You do not blow your nose in your hands! You one thumb each nostril in the general direction of the drain.

Yep, that's what I do. Oh, and you really have to watch out for those shower farts. They can kill ya!

Totally hijacked here - I leave for a weekend, and you all (Gina not included) hijack the thread!!!!
Boy oh boy -- or boys.....will be boys!

Oh come on Becky you had to know that was gona happen...

I did - specially since its now winter for many of you- and you don't seem to have anything better to do than surf the web!!!