Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Very funny but not far from the truth in the UK...

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I have checked the guidelines....so please can all people manage their areas responsibility.......

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now availa
ble for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EC legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Merry Christmas,

Risk Management Team

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Great Britain used to have LOTS of guns, and a much lower violent crime rate than today. They now have no guns and a higher violent crime rate than the US despite the squawking of the uninformed.

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I have checked the guidelines....so please can all people manage their areas responsibility.......

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now availa
ble for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EC legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Merry Christmas,

Risk Management Team

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Dwight, on a serious note you need to use good sunscreen. I can tell you from first hand personal experience what it's like going into surgery to have a class 3 melanoma removed and not knowing until you wake up if they were successful or you were shat out of luck. In my case I was lucky it hadn't spread to my nymph nodes.

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Thanks for the advice here, Don. Actually however, before I hit the tennis courts two to three times a week, I always use an SPF50 on my face and arms, in hopes that I won't have to go through the same terrible expreience you had.

(...though I admit I have been puttin' off goin' to see a dermatologist about a couple of areas on my face which have been of some concern to me lately...hopefully your advice here will spur me to act upon this...thanks again)

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Yep, them poor ol' Limeys ov'r there!

Ya know, just yesterday I heard tell they lined three of 'em up against a wall and shot 'em dead and JUST 'cause they bad-mounthed that there Queen they got ov'r there!

(...yep, without a personal arsenal to keep that there tie-rannical gov'ment at bay, them there fellas are toast, huh!)

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True that.
I was one of the three.
Health and Safety wouldn't let the firing squad use live ammo in case of accidents

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Yep, them poor ol' Limeys ov'r there!

Ya know, just yesterday I heard tell they lined three of 'em up against a wall and shot 'em dead and JUST 'cause they bad-mounthed that there Queen they got ov'r there!

(...yep, without a personal arsenal to keep that there tie-rannical gov'ment at bay, them there fellas are toast, huh!)

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True that.
I was one of the three.
Health and Safety wouldn't let the firing squad use live ammo in case of accidents

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So THIS must explain why you're still around to log into BA.com today, huh Bryn?!

So, what became of your OTHER two cohorts...Clive and Colin?