Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Joke of the day

Herb decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy felt she had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.

However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too.

Herb looked Sandy in the eyes and said, 'I too have a problem. My winky is the same size as an infant and I hope you can deal with that once we are married.'

She said, 'Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size winky.'

Sandy and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon.

Herb whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, and holding one another.

As Sandy put her hands in Herb's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said, 'You told me your winky was the size of an infant!'

'Yes, - it's 14 inches long and weighs 9 1/2 pounds!!.

A man went to visit a lady of the evening. After going to her place of business he began to disrobe. As he removed his shoes and socks she noticed his toes were horribly twisted and gnarled. She asked him about it and he replied that as a child he had suffered a bout of Toelio. She asked, “do you mean polio?” He replied “no, toelio.”

He then removed his trousers and she saw that his knees were twisted and obscenely knobby. She asked and he responded that as a child he had contracted Kneesles.

As he removed his boxers she looked at him and remarked, “Don’t tell me, Small Cox!”

for both, but Nobby's is better

A fireman was polishing the fire truck when a little girl walked into the bay and asked if he would like to see her fire truck.
"Why yes I would" he replied and followed her out the door.
When he got outside he saw her wagon with a dog and cat tied to it. The dog had a string around his neck and the cat had a string around his testicles.
Suppressing a smile, the fireman said, "you know you could go faster if you tied both strings around both necks."

"Well, yes" she said "but then what would I do for a siren?"

An elderly gent was negotiating with a "working girl" asking, "How much to just look and reminisce?"

So, Barak and Bill Clinton decided to go jogging one day.
As they were out running, they came upon a couple of very attractive hookers. "Howdy girls." Bill Clinton said, "How Much?"
"$200 dollars" the first girl said.
"Forget it, I'll give ya 20 bucks." replied Bill.
"Forget you" the hookers said and walked away.
The next day, Billy and Barak went running out again.
Same situation, same two good looking hookers.
"How much?" asked Barak.
"Two hundred dollars, each" The hooker responded.
"Naw, I'll give ya twenty bucks" says Barak.
Forget you guys" they replied and walked away again.
Now, on the third day Michelle and Hillary decided they wanted to go jogging with their men too.
As they four of them ran around the park, the same two hookers saw the four of them and yelled over to them, "So, that's what you get for twenty bucks?"

Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs.

The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived. 'Hello...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!'

For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?' Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, saying-

'Vote for GORDON BROWN! Vote for GORDON BROWN!'

Snow White fell to her knees and said 'Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive....!'