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Terror Threat Levels Around The World

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "p****d Off" to "Let's get the b******s" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

And in the southern hemisphere...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".
Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is canceled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Canada meanwhile sentenced the ring leader of the "Toronto 18" to a "life sentence" (parole in 6 years} for planning to blow up us infidels in the Great White North. Now the alert level has gone from "what no cold beer?" to "First thing we'll do is wrap one up"

All great. Loved the Spanish one.


Wales has gone from something no one else can pronouce or spell to something else no one else can pronouce or spell, but said faster

Excellent!

Brilliant

I was all like, "yada yada yada" until the Spanish line...

Excellent loved it.

Friggin hilarious. Especially the French ones.

Well Obumbo recently admitted that the US was at "War" with Al Queerda....

Like we did not already know that? Musta been some noted theatrical implication of an elevated threat level after the Nigerian puke tried to blow some of us up on Christmas.

Great post, this one is gonna get passed around.

As an Englishman I think that you are being a "tad unfair" and it's "jolly bad form" to even think that we would ever escalate our security threat level to such a dramatic level.

So I am led to believe, we would have really "got our gander up" but the review of security measures were carried out too close to "elevensies" and the overriding priorities had changed from "defending the crown" to "one lump or two?".

Bodger, that was an excellent post mate