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Choose Where To Retire

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You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!



You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.



You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. ( ed note: if you have a car)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.



You can Live in Alaska where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons..
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.



You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.



You can live in Colorado where...
1.You carry your $3,000 mountainbike atop your $500 car
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.



You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? "
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"



AND You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

You can live in Las Vegas where:

1: During tha annual rain storm Las Vegas Wash and the city of Las Vegas become one.

2: It's impossible to go around the block and end up on the same street you started on.

3: You learn that the man on Fremont Street in the teddy and tiara is named Leslie, and he makes more money than you do.

4: Road construction is a way of life, and considered permanent entertainment.

5: People who say "Ne-vah-dah" are branded as foreigners and not accepted until they can say it right.

6: What happens in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas. Yeah. Right.

Okay Dick, I got a couple o' questions for ya here, dude:

It says you're retired in your bio, so then tell us here...How long have y'all been moonlightin' with the Texas State Development Association, and are they payin' ya "under the table" right now so's it won't show on your federal income taxes???

AND, the OTHER question here is...

Why did they get some carpetbaggin' YANKEE to do the voiceover in that Texas Promo there???

OKLAHOMA..........
1. We had a musical written about us
2. Some great roads to ride ( 12 months out of the year)
3. Great slogan.....Oklahoma is OK !
4. Chiggers & Ticks
5. Chicken Fried Steak and mashed potatoes (yum)
6. Tornados
7. Flying livestock ( see #6)

LIke you mentioned some of those places have a high cost of living. How about this? For an average price of a home (in OK anyway) you could get a big RV built for bikers with the garage in back for your mc(s). You could visit all of those above mentioned places and more, for as long as you want and have your retirement checks direct deposited.

Maybe the question isn't where to retire, but how. I mean, what the he11 are any of us gonna do when it takea a wheelbarrow full of cash to buy a dozen eggs? It's hard for me to see how the good ol' USD will be worth much of anything in another five years. Some of my friends have already begun to stash away gold as a hedge. The few economists who seem to understand the cause for all this are being steadfastly ignored by this administration (and the last). I think the situation is much more dire than most folks realize.

I got this in a mail message and thought it was so over the top that it just needed to see the light of day. The last thing Texas needs is more people. Traffic is terrible, the state has the highest number of uninsured people(thanks to our governor,) rich ...uh...politicians we'll call them from south of the border have built gated communities with guards with automatic weapons and so forth and on.

But it does have some great places to ride!

Pensacola FL:
1. Awesome Weather
2. Beautiful Beaches
3. Hot Women
4. Cold Beer
5. No state income tax

IF the dollar falls against the rest of the worlds currencies (which it is most definitely not over the past few months) that would be a good thing. We would stop buying so many goods made overseas and our exports would climb - therefore more people are put to work here to make the goods that people in other countries would now find attractive.

Unfortunately, the reality is that, while the dollar fell back to semi reasonable levels through 2007 and 2008, it has now gone back up (to unreasonably high levels) against the major currencies over the past few months. The Pound has lost 25% and the Euro 20% against the dollar recently.

With the world economy in crisis, where did everybody go? Back to the dollar. Trust me, the USA will continue to be the dominant economy and the dominant force to maintain stability (as much as that is possible) in the world for well into the foreseeable future.

Do not fall into the trap of thinkng it is a bad thing when the dollar falls. It most definitely is not. Put your money in gold if inflation is going crazy; not when the dollar is falling.

I thought the concept of retiring was a very old fashioned one and replaced by the concept of working til you drop.

Or you could retire to Europe

I could stay here in Iowa and open up a wedding chapel and honeymoon hotel for all the business we're about to get.

Retire in Texas. We trade in cattle and goats on our big ranches.

Gordie,
Eh...What about Canada, eh???