Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Friday Humor

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor.She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back ...same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get- one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one-get- one-free, ' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked Up at the sky and said, 'Where?'

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the North?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'

Good stuff

I love stories like this, once I was in a McDonalds, I ordered a double quarter pounder and then asked the girl behind the counter "Wouldn't it just be easier to call it a half pounder?" She replied, "No, it's not a half pound it's two quarter pounds."

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says
'Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!!! So
many men dying that way!'

Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and
there is always that risk involved.'

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a
Brazilian?'

In michigan a young woman was pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, as the trooper walked to her car window flipping open his ticket book she said "i bet your going to sell me a ticket to the state troopers ball" to which he replied "michigan state troopers dont have balls maam" there was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he had just said. he then closed his ticket book, got back in his patrol car and left

Celt wins

True story:
I hired a guy who claimed he was a machinist while he was in the army. I was at the Bridgeport doing some work and asked him to get me a 8/16" drillbit from the index. He thrashed and thrashed through the index trying to find a 8/16" drill bit. Machinist ??? I finally asked him for a 1/2" bit. "Ithought you wanted an 8/16" ?
Do the math you so called idiot machinist !!!!
He did not last long in my machine shop.

Buuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrppppppppppppp !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Overheard during a traffic stop:
"No lady, your radio dial said 65, your speedometer said 85."

"Of coursh I'm driving offisher, I'm in no condition to walk."

"The reason I was running from you officer, is that my wife ran off with a policeman and I was afraid you trying to give her back."