 Suicidal Daughter....
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I hate to dump on you guys...but I just don't know what to do...My ex-mother in law, Peggy, (good friend) called me at work yesterday, and told me that my daughter, Katisha, now 24, was once again in an Intensive Care Unit in North Georgia after another suicide attempt. We don't know what she took, or how much, but the state has taken custody of her for the next 72 hours under suicide watch. Peggy has been in hysterics all day, and you guessed it...it's the day before we are to leave for the Georgia Rally, of course. Tish's Mom, is in Jamaica on vacation, and knows nothing. In an attempt to calm Peggy, I told her that I would pick her up when they release her, and she can live with me and Kimmy....which, in the past, has been devastating to our family, as Tish simply will not abide by the rules of the house...lies, deceives, and steals from us. I told Kimmy that I would be taking her in this weekend to try to save her life, but Kimmy says that our marriage will be over if I do this. After a couple of hours, I agreed with Kimmy, and decided to try to find some kind of womens home for Tish (not Kimmy)..All I can find is "mental" institutions for women in her condition...I told myself I was'nt gonna let this attempt for attention to ruin my Georgia Rally, but it aint lookin good....She told the doctor yesterday that she had attempted suicide 22 times, and she just don't want to live anymore...Again, I hate to dump my personal issues here, but Im simply out of resources, and if I don't do something, she will either end up dead, or in a vegetive state next time...Anybody ever have, or know someone that has been in this situation?
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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3/4 Throttle
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What can a person say when asked such a question? You may not wish to put your daughter in as you put a “mental†institution. But from your post she is clearly unwell and a danger to herself. I realize this may be a difficult decision for you as you have your family “Kimmy†to consider. I would seriously look at having your daughter placed into a hospital where she can and will receive the medical care she needs.
This will probably not be short term issue as your daughter sounds like a very troubled young lady. I can only hope that she finds within herself the courage to carry on. I also hope that you also have the courage to do what is right even though it is a very difficult decision. This decision has to be made for your daughters’ safety and well being.
The other side of the coin that should be considered is that she waits till her mother is out of the country on vacation. There sounds like an element of manipulation in this. I am not saying this is definite it’s a possibility.
I ca only wish you all the best I hope you seek the answers you are looking for. I hope that your daughter finds the inner peace she so badly needs. You are in my thoughts.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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Mark,
My step-brother has a daughter with similar issues. Based on his experience, get professional help. They tried to just "deal with it" for a long time and all it did was hurt the rest of the family. If there is an institution where they can keep her safe while they try and sort out why she is hurting herself then that may be her best hope. Unfortunately family matters are rarely the place to look for justice, we just play the cards we have.
I will keep your family in my thoughts and if you make the rally, I will see you there.
Thom
Thom
I might be wrong, I sometimes am.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Loquacious
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Have a good friend that his family had him placed (by court order) in a local psyc hospital...he credits that to saving his life although he "hated" everyones guts for it at the time......she needs some help...quick
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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I agree that your daughter needs intensive psychiactric care. This is either an organic issue that can be sorted out with medications or she is harboring a lot of pain from something that happened a long time ago. No one wants to commit a loved one, but family just isn't equipped to properly deal with this.
I would be unstoppable if not for law enforcement and physics.
2002, Cardinal Red & Silver
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Generally when someone is admitted for a suicide attempt they are automatically admitted to a Psych hospital for approximately 10 days for evaluation and counseling.
Happened to my wife a couple of times. There was no being released until a thorough evaluation by the Psychiatrist was performed. This i for her own protection.
See if that is available. Of course it depends on her insurance.
Best of luck. You and your wife cannot handle this alone! You are right to not take her in as it will destroy your family.
Ride like a Combat Fighter Pilot
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
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I have had a couple very disruptive step-daughters, but not suicidal. I almost know how you feel. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Soren
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Learned Hand
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That's tough man. Best of luck.
"Despite all the amputation, you could dance to a rock 'n roll station..."
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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I don't know what to tell you besides that you and your family will be in our prayers.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Joined: Mar 2005
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Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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I have children and my heart is breaking for you. If your daughter has attempted suicide 22 times she's either very bad at it or has no real intention of killing herself but is screaming out for help. The conundrum is that she won't accept help when offered, and probably can't recognize a legitimate offer anyways.
Three years ago I lost my identical twin brother to suicide. Let me tell you if a person truely decides to do this they do it, no slip ups. Most suicides are depression related however not all people who are depressed commit suicide. The signs can be hard to see (let me tell you). I'm guessing that your daughter has drug and alcohol problems and that she'll never come to grips with her issues until she faces and at least attempts to gain control of these issues (again, this I know). A true desire to die is completely different then ambivilence or a lack of caring one way or the other(I remember feeling that way and sometimes still do).
I pray that you and your daughter will someday look back on these days and say "remember when..." I do know that you can't give up on her and I'm sure you wont.
I'll be thinking about you both, Paul
Strangler
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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I can really understand your frustration and concern. I recently went thru a couple of attempts with a family member that was no fun. These were due to the prescription of dangerous antidepressants and was a side affect. People should keep close tabs on loved ones who take or stop taking anti-depressants, they are BAD JUJU!!! I hope you find some good support, because it seemed to me that the mental health safety net for suicidal folks was extremely lacking. Have faith and courage, my best wishes for a healthy outcome. Just understand that you and yours can only do so much to help and individual. It will ultimately be their choice to live, not yours. Keep your family as the first priority.
Good Luck, Tom.
But, what do I know?
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Joined: Jan 2005
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"Lighten up, Francis."
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"Lighten up, Francis."
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I can only imagine what you're going through. But honestly? If she's that messed up she does need to be institutionalized. You are not equipped to deal with her and you might even be doing her a disservice to bring her into your home. You'll be disrupting your own lives and not getting her the help she needs.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Worn Saddle
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Worn Saddle
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I'm feeling for ya, Mark. Your wife is right, and you made the right decision not to let her stay with you. I know how hard it is with that kind of decision, as I have had to make it myself a couple of times with my kids and their immature behaviour. Nothing as bad as your going through. One point I wan't to make, however. And really think about it! YOU HAVE VALUE TOO! You're daughter has value, and needs help, but never forget that YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF ALSO!. AND THAT ALSO MEANS THAT YOUR WIFE AND MARRIAGE HAS VALUE! A lot of times this obvious fact is overlooked when spending so much time thinking about someone else. I'm wishing the best for ya, and your daughter.
Fidelis et Fortis
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Professional help is what is needed, but finding the resources to make it work is a challenge. I am not a deeply religious person, but sometimes finding faith and believing in something more important that oneself works. I find it work miracles on people who are isolated and lonely. 
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Worn Saddle
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Worn Saddle
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Quote:
Professional help is what is needed, but finding the resources to make it work is a challenge. I am not a deeply religious person, but sometimes finding faith and believing in something more important that oneself works. I find it work miracles on people who are isolated and lonely.
+1 to this. I AM a religious person, although I would never pressure anybody about it. but I do know of a least two people in my family who were suicidal and only straitened up their life by finding God, in both cases the Fundalmentalist kind of god, which I have respect for but isn't my cup of tea. My uncle will tell you that he was mere days away from commmiting suicide, had it planned and everything, when he "accidentally" witnessed a preacher helping people. He also stopped his excessive drinking and smoking. Keep this kind of alternative in mind.
Fidelis et Fortis
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Fe Butt
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Fe Butt
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That is a tough one and I'm very sorry to hear that you and your family have to go through this. I have a similar situation with our oldest daughter as far as turning the family upside down, she does what you describe to us too. She isn't suicidal at least though. I believe you made the right decision not to subject you marriage and family to that. I'm sorry I can't be of much if any help as far as the suicidal part goes except maybe the mental institution is what she needs right now. I know thats a hard thing to do but maybe in such a structured enviornment she can get the help she need and preserve her life at the same time while she gets the help.
I learned all I need to know about life by killing smart people and eating their brains.
Eat right ,Exercise ,Stay fit, Die Anyway!
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Joined: Jan 2005
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"Lighten up, Francis."
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"Lighten up, Francis."
Joined: Jan 2005
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Quote:
Quote:
Professional help is what is needed, but finding the resources to make it work is a challenge. I am not a deeply religious person, but sometimes finding faith and believing in something more important that oneself works. I find it work miracles on people who are isolated and lonely.
+1 to this. I AM a religious person, although I would never pressure anybody about it. but I do know of a least two people in my family who were suicidal and only straitened up their life by finding God, in both cases the Fundalmentalist kind of god, which I have respect for but isn't my cup of tea. My uncle will tell you that he was mere days away from commmiting suicide, had it planned and everything, when he "accidentally" witnessed a preacher helping people. He also stopped his excessive drinking and smoking. Keep this kind of alternative in mind.
With all due respect, she needs professional counseling more than she needs religion. They can compliment each other, but she primarily needs professional help.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Loquacious
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Loquacious
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Get her to a psychiatrist (not psychologist) ASAP. She is obviously severely depressed. No matter how unwilling or resentful she may feel because of your forced help, she's young and her life can change dramatically. My wife suffered from major depression and without medication and professional help she would never have been able to get herself together.
Bob
2005 America, 904cc - sold. 2014 Trophy SE.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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I've had similar situations with a friend of mine, and the first thing you have to realize is that it's not your fault and it's the person's responsibility to get help for themselves. I know you spoke of a "mental" institution and that is exactly what helped my friend out. If not going to the "institution", there are a number of other places that can assist her. There is nothing that you can do to change it, she needs professional help and in-patient therapy.
I totally feel for you and your family and wish the best on this one. My heart goes out to all of you.
2007 TBA - Pacific Blue/New England White
Mods: Highway windscreen, tall sissy bar/rack, TOR-short, tachometer
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Hi,
I know this is a tough time but you need to give tough love. A mental institution is the best and safest place for her, for a while at least.
Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. I was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 a couple of years ago. Thats Manic depressive in laymans terms. I have no family history of this condition, so it was difficult to diagnose. I put my wife and kids through ****** and tried to top myself several times.
It may not just be a cry for attention, sometimes people who suffer this horrendous condition, just can't see what else they can do to stop feeling so utterly miserable.
Once medication (primarily, mood stabalisers) has been successful things will get better. It will take a long time and a lot of patience before the right medication is found. Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently to the medication.
I did consider just putting this in a PM to you, but it might help others out there to know, that it is controlable and it happens to a lot of people.
Good luck, you will need to offer a lot of love and support over the next few months, but being there for her will be the best and only thing you can do. The doctors will do the rest.
All The Very Best
Simon
The path of excess leads to the Palace of Wisdom
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Loquacious
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Very tuff situation. I would not begin to try to tell you what is best in this situation.
My wife suffered from bipolar disorder in her teens and twenties.
She has only suffered one instance of depression in the years we have been married but that pales in comparison to what is going on here. During her only episode she was just down in the dumps for about four months...would not go to work, did not want to work and just wanted to lay around the house and feel sorry about everyhing. I had her see a shrink and he told me she would come out of it and she did. No problems since then. Thank God she never got any were near or to the point I was worried about her trying to off herself.
Hope everything gets better.
"Proud to be an Infidel" ... "100% pure American Jingoist"
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Bar Shake
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Bar Shake
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Quote:
Quote:
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Professional help is what is needed, but finding the resources to make it work is a challenge. I am not a deeply religious person, but sometimes finding faith and believing in something more important that oneself works. I find it work miracles on people who are isolated and lonely.
+1 to this. I AM a religious person, although I would never pressure anybody about it. but I do know of a least two people in my family who were suicidal and only straitened up their life by finding God, in both cases the Fundalmentalist kind of god, which I have respect for but isn't my cup of tea. My uncle will tell you that he was mere days away from commmiting suicide, had it planned and everything, when he "accidentally" witnessed a preacher helping people. He also stopped his excessive drinking and smoking. Keep this kind of alternative in mind.
With all due respect, she needs professional counseling more than she needs religion. They can compliment each other, but she primarily needs professional help.
As a serious Christian, I agree with John wholeheartedly.
And, your first responsibility is to your wife and home.
You did well by listening to her.
I would say she needs much more than counseling, and a psychiatric hospital (institution if you will) is where she needs to be.
Contra todo mal, mezcal; contra todo bien, también
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Joined: Mar 2007
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I appreciate all of the advice...but to no avail. We got back from the rally yesterday ready to approach this with clean eyes and open minds, got up this morning and went to talk to her about what was going on...btw..the hospital released her the next day. I don't know what she said to change the law that allowed for 72 hr hold, but they let her leave thurs am. So we get there and she's packed and ready to go with us and we told her...you can't. She's crying what do you want me to do I don't have anywhere to go and I told her, you need to go somewhere and get yourself signed in and get some help. An hours worth of tears and yelling later, we came home, Mark worked on the van I cleaned and did laundry, after a little while I went to lay down (still sick, and a little tired from the ride in last night) and low and behold, who's here when I get up. Tish. NOW WHAT> 
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Bar Shake
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Bar Shake
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Don't be an enabler.
Insist (by this I mean she is given no other option) that she gets the help she needs.
Tell her exactly why you can't have her living with you, no need to worry about hurting her feelings, it sounds as though she is manipulative and will use any ambivalence on your part against you.
Mark could agree to go to counseling with her. You could too if you think it might help, and it probably would since you and Mark are a team. He'll need you through this time.
But, it can't be like before, where she just gets her way.
Find a capable attorney and have her committed.
Last edited by bigbill; 05/04/2008 7:51 PM.
Contra todo mal, mezcal; contra todo bien, también
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Quote:
Don't be an enabler.
Insist (by this I mean she is given no other option) that she gets the help she needs.
Tell her exactly why you can't have her living with you, no need to worry about hurting her feelings, it sounds as though she is manipulative and will use any ambivalence on your part against you.
Mark could agree to go to counseling with her. You could too if you think it might help, and it probably would since you and Mark are a team. He'll need you through this time.
But, it can't be like before, where she just gets her way.
Find a capable attorney and have her committed.
I thought that was where we were when we talked to her this morning. I know that by continuing to bail her out we are enabling the behaviors, and yes..there is a VERY HIGH DEGREE of manipulation involved. I clearly explained to her that we have 2 young and very impressionable children to think of (which was turned into oh, see they mean more to you than I do) and that we as a unit did not have the financial, emotional, nor the professional means to give her the help that she needed, that it was beyond our capabilities. That she had proven before she ever left the hospital in the first place that nothing had changed and that all this was was a stunt and that she was showing blatant disregard for her family and friends who cared very deeply for her.
You are right, every thing that was put out with concern and love was twisted to be used to her benefit and "see, no body wants me".
Now I'm at a loss because I'm between a rock and a hard place because I know that this isn't the end of it and it'll turn to he## within a day or so and her brother and sister are going to have to go through the turmoil of whatever drama she drudges up when it hits the fan here.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Learned Hand
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Just dropped her off at a very good friend of hers here in Hiram. She can stay the night, then she's gonna take her to the counselor's appointment in the morning...I talked ALOT to Tish tonight, on a very calm father to daughter situation, and she agrees she needs help with the basic functions of life, and that she will ask the counselor to place her in a home for people like her..She said she did good when she was there before, and she wants to go back. She is in good spirits as of now, and with good friends, but it's a day to day thing right now...Now I gotta go see if Kimmy will speak to me...
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Learned Hand
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God Bless.
Stick to your guns, dont enable ( easier said than done ), and work to get her help ( as you are ).
Hang in there, its not easy. Your focus on your marriage and kids is admirable and correct.
Our Liberties We Prize and Our Rights We Will Maintain
If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and will never be.----Thomas Jefferson
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Bar Shake
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Bar Shake
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Mark. There are support groups for people going through what you're dealing with. They can be a great help (personal experience).
You should be able to find one through a local church. The bigger churches are the most likely to have the information you need.
Just a phone call will do.
Contra todo mal, mezcal; contra todo bien, también
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Monkey Butt
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Monkey Butt
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deleted
This is not a problem easily handled by strangers. All you will get is a problem. Like advice that you may take then regret.
I try to aggravate one person a day. Today may be your day.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Bar Shake
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Bar Shake
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Support groups aren't about advice, in fact anyone offering any is gently reminded not to. It's more of a b!tch session (with a qualified moderator).
Just listening to others going through the same difficulties you are and getting things off your chest can be helpful.
Contra todo mal, mezcal; contra todo bien, también
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Monkey Butt
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Monkey Butt
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I agree Bill. Its a bad deal to live through.
I try to aggravate one person a day. Today may be your day.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Loquacious
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As father of a daughter stricken with acute Schizophrenia for the past 8 years, I can state as fact that pets typically receive a much higher level of care and understanding in the US than humans who suffer with mental illnesses. Those who suffer these heinous diseases and their family members need the help and advocacy of NAMI. Meeting other who already know the ropes of the US mental health care machine can bring about remarkable benefits. http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=About_NAMIhttp://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section...fm&State=GA
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
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Mark and Kimmy- thoughts and prayers to you both, and to Tish.
Chopperpaul got me thinking.....Has your daughter been assessed for alcohol and/or drug dependency? There's a big connection between depression & suicidal ideation/attempts and the addictions.
Does she use alcohol/drugs to self medicate? Suicide attempts while under the influence? If so, you and whoever else advocates for Tish might have better luck with long term placements and support through the substance abuse treatment systems. Most programs now are very skilled dealing with co-occuring disorders (substances and mental health issues together).
"Let your soul shine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
****** sure better than rain."
-ABB
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Mark I just saw this. I work at Georgia Regional in Augusta and I know the staff here does a good job. I don't know if you are in our catchment area or Atlanta Regionals. But take her to one of them. If you and her mother sign her in they have to keep her.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Quote:
pets typically receive a much higher level of care and understanding in the US than humans who suffer with mental illnesses.
To clarify - the above statement is related to budgets and stigma,
and is not directed at the majority of people working as mental illness care givers.
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Re: Suicidal Daughter....
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Quote:
Quote:
pets typically receive a much higher level of care and understanding in the US than humans who suffer with mental illnesses.
To clarify - the above statement is related to budgets and stigma,
and is not directed at the majority of people working as mental illness care givers.
From some of the stories I've read off the internet there's a little of both care but more of the money issue. But I think the care issue is as a direct result of the money issue.
Doesn't matter much anyway. Our very good friend offered her a room to sleep in, a way to work,and t.l.c. and all she had to do was follow general rules...she didn't want that..what she wants is a place to land while she's waiting for her next big rescuer (boy thing to save her from her horrible family). Not giving up, but hands are temporarily tied. 
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