Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge My kid is a bully

Ok for those who dont know, Jessica my wife, left her job as a poice officer to stay at home with Jake our son. She plans to go back to the force when he is in school. But in the mean time, she decided to start watching other kids as well so we have a total of 6 kids plus Jake in what was once our sunroom.

Anyhow I love watching jake play, he is such a smart kid. Come to find out he is a bully also.. Seems when one of the kids has something he wants, well he just slaps the living snot out of them and takes the toy.. So he has learned that daddy has a pretty hard hand.

Well Matt, I don't have any kids, so take the following with that grain of salt if you want, but I'm guessing that Jake's bullying juuuuust might be reinforced by Daddy's "hard hand" here.

I'm guessin' that as soon as you sit little Jake down and explain the concept of empathy to him, that that just might work out a little better in the long run for you...and him.

OR...you can do what my Pop used to do whenever I didn't quite catch the concept of something, which usually was about LYING about something I had done, and whenever he'd catch me in a lie he'd send me to his and my Mom's bedroom and tell me to think about what I did, and THEN after I was all worked up...THINKIN'...he'd walk in with a ping-pong paddle a give me a couple of swats on the behind with it.

But, the point was that he almost never instantly reacted to my acting up, but instead there was a "thought process" that took place somewhere along the line.

(and, THIS is why my "theory" as to my "disposition towards telling it like it is", which isn't always very "popular" as you know, seems to dominate my personally to this very day!)

he does not really understand "talking" just yet. hes only 20 months old. I use spanking as a last resort in all cases. I also think him and I play a little to rough most of the times. that is something I am going to work on.

nah, when you see him do that, go smack the pahoopies outa him and take the toy he took, away from him and when he cries, pay no attention, soon he will get the message. ask him, how he likes it. it wont be long and he will stop. my nephew was a biter, so i used to bite him back (not hard but hard enough)his dad would spank, scold, timeout room all kinds of stuff but soon he quit biteing me, it was funny cuz he would come at me like he was gonna bite me and at the last second he would stop and look up at me with a s@@t eatin grin on his face, but it wasnt long and he stopped biteing anybody. i have found that usually when a small child is doing something mean like that, if you give it right back to them, they soon see the error of their ways and stop because they find it, it hurts or they dont like it and tend to realize why its wrong.

+1

Psychology works ten times better than hitting your 20 month old child. Once they realise they will spend time in "the naughty corner" for being bad, they will realise it will come everytime they are naughty.

I used to enforce my son to stay in his room..no matter how he kicked and screamed. Only for 2 minutes. After a week of that... the threat of going to his room was enough.

Beating a child will only, inevitably result in the child feeling insecure and a perpatrator of violence towards other.

What works on some, doesn't necessarily work on others. You can 'talk' to some kids until you are blue in the face, and not make a dent in the bad behavior. The stronger willed the kid, the more discipline is required. Raised two boys, one took more pops on behind than the other, but both turned out to be wonderful non-violent young men. Everyone has a theory, only you know your kids personality and what will work that gets your point across. You want to stem the bad behavior because you love them. Just don't do it when angry. That is my 2 cents worth.

AmyLee

Reading Amy's response after I posted mine, makes me think of the kid who lived nextdoorbutone. It was in the days when kids weren't diagnosed with something, they were just naughty. And his mum was 'drippy'.
She did the "don't do that David" and the "go to your room" and he'd still go out and beat the $hit out of someone every other week.... normally his sister. If he'd got slapped back, he'd have known how it felt and it may have stopped him. I'm not saying it would, but the talking to/go to your room just didn't work on him.

"SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD",,,, was the one that said that, qualified to make such a statement????? and,, what did he mean????

Toddlers have there own rules and here they are.

Toddler Rules
Author Unknown

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back.

If it is Mommy, it must be hugged. (Daddy fits in there from time to time)

Beating a child does not create a perpetrator of violence, but it makes for lame excuse.

Physical discipline is a good means to get a point across, as long it is desciplined in its application, and is consistenly applied. To offer one punishment one time, and a different one another, and again different is confusing for the child. They need consistency, oftentimes misbehave to seek the reassurance that consistency offers. They need to knw that you will be the same, be there and not fluid in your responses. A swat or two ( as opposed to a "beatin" )should be sufficient. If not( say the kid is not effected by this, then find a means that will effect him and use it, stick to it, and be consistent ),dont quit, stay consistant and be firm.

+1

mike

My little boy is my best friend. We have a great time playing with each other, and when Daddy is home, he could care less about mommy. But he also knows daddy does no put up with him being bad. I have watching him out of the corner of my eye when he is about to do something he knows is wrong. He will watch me to see if I am looking. He is a very smart kid, he takes after his daddy when it comes to mechanical items. He loves to take stuff apart and put it back together. I know every parent says that about their child, but Jake is very smart for his age. His vocal skills are not out of this world, but he can talk well enough to let you know what he wants. If not he will pull you by your finger to what ever it is he wants.

Now that being said, he loves to test his limits. He is hard headed, and does things his way. He is very tough, as in if you spank him, he will cry for about 10 seconds then he is back laughing and playing like it did not happen. Oh and he loves watching CSI lol...

as for punishment, 90% of the time I can just look at him and he will drop his head and whimper. I think hes more upset about Daddy not being happy with him then anything else. But that 10% I feel requires a swat on the hind end, or leg. it lets him know right then and there that it will NOT be done in my house.

Bull Feathers!!! Try explaining why something is wrong to most of todays teenagers and you may get knifed or shot. If their parents had prudently applied physical punishment when they were young they just might be model citizens today. I was spanked when I misbehaved and I'm fine. So are most people I know in my age group (64). As a last note, it is my opinion that most shrinks should be put away for the good of the public.

Me and my sister were NEVER smacked as kids nor my wife or her siblings so we NEVER smacked ours. They had their 'moments' and I'm sure if I had been smacked, I would have responded the same way to them.

Neighbours, friends and relatives tell me they are a credit to me. They said they weren't angels but when they were told off or (as we say in Birmingham) told to "go and play up your own end" they never answered back unless they were innocent and then they would explain their side of the story politely and leave anyway.

They have both had their scrapes and at 6'3" can 'look after themselves' but would rather walk away.

I don't say I'm right and others are wrong. Maybe I was lucky. I know people who smack their kids and they turn out great and kids who aren't smacked and are bullies.

The problem I have is that smacking is 'The Ultimate Deterrent' once it's used there is nothing else, unless you do it harder or longer or use a cane or strap.

I think the problem is that today's kids don't understand the 'cause and effect' principle so cannot link their actions to the consequences of them. They forget the first rule of lawbreaking.....'If you can't do the time, don't do the crime' .....a principle pointed out by the local Bobby to a snotty crying kid , who had just been caught throwing stones at a street light as he took him home to explain to his Dad why he did it. In them days a policeman at the door brought shame on the family. Now you see cons in gaol and they as so proud you'd think they were at YALE !

Oh.....I can't seem to remember that kids name.....

...though it does tend to create a little anger problem in some....

Like I said earlier...a little corporal punishishment is fine in my book, BUT it should never be applied in anger. Let the little darlings stew for a while so they can THINK about the consequences of "Cause and Effect"! You see, THAT'S what's wrong with the world today...too many people have stopped THINKING!

And you can't beat that into them either!

Thank you sir.

Don't believe a word of that, Thanassis.

I met Bill at last year's SWTF, and let me tell ya, the dude doesn't use the handle "BIG" Bill around here for nuthin', ya know!

The dude's ONE BIG SCARY LOOKIN' FREAKIN' GUY! And I'll bet cha ANYTHING those kids o' his didn't step out o' line because of THAT REASON ALONE!!!

I'll have you know that I trimmed my goatee to a respectable length .
I can't braid it anymore.

THANK GAWD!!!

(I was hopein' you'd realize one day that that look went out with GENGHIS freakin' KHAN!!!)