Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Bad Joke Of The Day

Two jumper cables walk into a bar and order a beer. The bar keep says- I'll give you a beer, but you boys better not start anything in here.

ughhhhh

You're right, that is bad!

GGGRRROOOAAANNNN

Even worse joke of the day.....

The teacher at elementary school tells the kids ”Friday is ‘what my daddy does at the weekend’ day. You must bring in something that is connected to what your daddy does when he isn’t at work”.

On the Friday little Eric is on his way to school in his HD jacket, bandana and chaps when a sleazy guy pulls up alongside him and says “Hey sonny, do you like to hang out with other guys of the same ‘persuasion’? The kid ignores him and walks on just as he has been told to do.

“Hey sonny, do you dream of putting your ‘cycle on a trailer and taking it to Sturgis and hanging out with the guys?” Again the kid walks on

“Hey sonny, have you ever felt like kissing a guy?”

At this point the kid stops and says “Hey mister, I ain’t a REAL HD rider you know!”

Mind you, I've just finished a half bottle of Cap'n Morgan rum..............

I feel like a sailor, but where would I get one at this time of night !

In the spirit of the Superbowl


What do you call two Nuns and a hooker on a football field?


Two tight ends and a Wide Receiver

What did the two-headed chicken say to the farmer?

"Hello"
"Hello"

A guy goes to a psychologist.
He says ,"Doctor, I'm a kleptomaniac, help me!"

The Doctor says, "Why don't you take something for it?"

..........and the guy who goes to the psychiatrist and says "doctor you've got to help my brother, he thinks he's an elevator !" The Doc says "you need to bring him in to see me"

"No can do" says the guy, "he don't stop at this floor"

The blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw.

A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi all walk right into a bar at the same time, and then...all of 'em say "OUCH!" at the very same time too!

(well...you DID say "bad", didn't ya?!)

What did the Indian say when his dog fell off the cliff?
'Dog gone"

So, Tonto and The Lone Ranger are being attacked by an overwhelming number of hostile Apaches.

Lone asks, "what do we do about these Indians Tonto"?

Tonto says, "what you me we, white man"?

One day, the lone ranger whipped out his pistol and shot Tonto. Seems he found out what kemosabe means.

Do you guys remember Bill Cosby's Tonto routine? Now that's hilarious!

It went something like....
_______________________________

When I was kid, my brother and I loved watchin' the Lone Ranger on TV. BUT, we could never understand why Tonto partnered up with that dude.

It seemed every time there was somethin' bad that happened caused by some the bad guy out at the ranch, the ol' Lone Ranger and Tonto would show up afterward and then the Masked Man would tell poor ol' Tonto somethin' like..."While I console the school marm here, I want you to ride into town and scout out the situation, and see if you can locate Deadeye there."

And Tonto would ALWAYS say, "Yes Kemosabe!"

BUT, every time Tonto went into town to do that, he got the snot beaten out of him by the bad guys! Every single TIME!!!

And so eventually whenever the Lone Ranger would tell Tonto that, me and my brother would yell at the TV..."NO TONTO!!! DON'T GO! DON'T DO WHAT THAT WHITE MAN SAID TO DO!!!"

But, of course, he ALWAYS did anyway!

What do you call ten thousand dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

Whats the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

Ones a bottom feeding scum sucker, and the other's a fish.

How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?

Can't get a finger between the rope and his neck.

(Sorry in advance to any lawyer types out there! )

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.



Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse."My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Bill."What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died."



Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse.The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?"



To which the man replied, "Get in line."

It was a cold, snowy day and the funeral procession had to make it's way up a steep hill to the graveyard... Suddenly, one of the pallbearers slipped in the snow and lost his grip on the casket. The shift in weight caused the others to lose their grip as well, and the casket hit the ground and started sliding down the hill...
It slid past the cemetary gate, past the churchyard, past the church, and headed down mainstreet at a terrific speed. It passed the hardware store, the grocery store, the tavern and the funeral home, then slid right through the front door of the pharmacy. It slid down the center aisle, past the greeting card rack, past the Dr. Scholl's display, past the candy display, past the reading glasses, and past the baby care products, til it finally hit the pharmacy counter whereupon the lid popped open and the deceased flew upright against the counter...
The pharmacist turned around and asked "Can I help you??"

"Yeah, give me something to stop this ****** coffin!"