Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Your best drunken "hey watch this" moment

I'll start this:

Third story patio with railing, pool directly below. Jumped several times and decided it wasn't high enough. Put a chair against railing. "Hey, watch this!"

Yep, chair slipped, I tumbled and luckily only grazed the side of the pool. Lots of blood (no hospitals of course, we were invincible!!!) and more beer. Did stop though so I would not get any blood in the pool!!

The worst part? The friggin pool was only 8' deep!!!!

Forgot one part: We had to jump a little forward and out to hit the 8' part of the pool!!

Don't know about best overall...can't remember too many I'm sure, but the most recent was on Saturday.

I drank the beer/cigarette ash mixture out of the bottom of a garbage bag that had been sitting for 2 days. I even made over $4 on that stunt!

Hey Mark, how DID the audition go for the next series of Jacka$$??

Just a thought here Phill, was this thread one of your 'hey watch this' moments??

I think this one will run and run and God only knows where it's gonna go ..

drank the bong water*, after many , many uses (like weeks worth)

*was actually vodka

I don't remember the subsequent 5 years

"Hey Bob, watch me moon this police helicopter. Cool, the chicks are doing it too!!!" We didn't realize they could call a squad car to come get us. As the cops are about to arrest me and my friend and let the cute girls go home the chicks jump in their car to make a get away. They cops gave eachother the "no they didn't" look and tell us to go straight home right before they jump in theirr squad car to now go arrest the chicks. Yes Mr. Ocifers I'll never do it again!!!!!!

I'm not sure exactly where I should start!

Drunk and driving with my buddy with me in my S-10 doin about 65 "hey watch this" I clicked my e-brake straight to the floor and the back tires squall. I swerve a bit to the right so the rear end would slide to the left and at that point jerked the wheel to the left. Unfortunately I didn't turn sharp enough and went sideways and backwards down the opposite lanes inbankment. There we were at the bottom of this huge ditch. I'm rockin her back and forth trying to get her unstuck. Pulled the e-brake release, and shifted from first to reverse not going anywhere. My buddy leans up to me and says "dude we're on our side." I was too drunk to realize it. I said "oh". The door on an s-10 is small, but heavy as I crawl out and called a tow truck. Had to use my center arm rest to crawl out. As my dad and the tow truck show up they start to roll it back over on its feet again. Every dent that popped out would be cheared about by me as my dad gave me a nice scalding eye. That truck went through crap.

More to come,
Aaron

Shot myself in the right foot. Just a flesh wound hit that piece of meet on the outside of the foot near the pinky toe, .22 call revoler. Me and a buddy where drinking beer, throwing the emptys in the pond then shooting then,thought I was out of bullets.Ruined a good pair of boots.

And all I've done is not remembered anything after a sambuca on my last birthday...and the one before. though the last one I regret cos there was a bloody good band on and I remember them playing a song for me - just don't remember what it was. nor what they played afterwards.
it was good cos i didn't even know there was gonna be a band on....
But then i'm glad i don't remember being really ill, cos i'd drunk way to much in the first hour. like 6 pints of cider.

Surfing off of a garage roof into a pool. Too bad the pool was on the other side of the garage, not the side I was going down.

Took my mates Honda CB100 for a spin on a car park at age 15 and pulled the front brake on gravel

can't think of anymore... too many boozy weekends since those days.

After some thinking I think I narrowed down my best "watch this moment" Was at a party at some kids house (no idea who he was but there was 2 kegs and it was free). I get all hammerd and there are 4-5 people in a hot tub. We were getting booted from the party for "rowdyness" so on our way out I walked over to the people in the hot tub and yaked as much as i could in it.

I've done countless stupid things, but 99% of the time I'm sober. I'm just Polish.

Drank way too many martinis at Harts Turkey Farm one year someone suggested I jump into lake winnipesaukee so I did and commenced to drown I flailed around and screamed for help. My friend yelled "hey Kenny stand up!"
I did the water was less than knee deep. I was still drunk when I woke up the next morning, the first time that ever happened. When I woke up I said "hey who puked in my bed?" My friend said "same guy who crapped in your pants"

So there I was...in Cuba (Gitmo), deployed for Operation Sea Signal. We'd work 9 days on and 3 days off - of course those 3 were usually spent plastered. For such a small base, it still has 5 bars. We were down by the docks, and I'd had enough tequila to pass the invincible stage, and got dared to "climb that there rope thingy".

Yup - "okay...WATCH THIS!!"

Well that "rope thingy" was a hawser securing a US Navy cruiser to the pier.
I took a flying leap off the dock and fortunately caught hold of the hawser...starting going up it hand over hand (suspended over some very deep and oilslicked harbour water), and got to the end. Clambered over the rail of the ship and announced my triumph loudly to the guys on the dock.
Of course this got the attention of some Marines guarding the ship who were entirely unamused by some drunk guy on board without authourization...they started to come for me, and I did another flying leap out over the water and went shimmying back down the hawse as fast as I could...down the gangplank came the Marines...the guys hauled my drunk a** off the line so we could take off running, with some VERY ****** off Marines in hot pursuit.
Extremely lucky to have escaped and evaded successfully, or we'd have all gotten beaten severely I'm sure.

I have to say in all the stupid things I have done, crashing my graduation present was the worst..

Was at a party and a girl was there from school I was digging, only she showed up with a diffrent guy. I was not happy. So after a beer or 12 and a few shots of liquid courage, I hop my 17 year old ****** in my 90 Mustang GT and go tear assing down the road.. Remember I grew up in the country, way deep in the woods, so long straight roads were a plenty.. Anyhow I get to the other end of the road i was on turn around and just laid into the car, by the time I saw the left hand curve coming up I was in 4th with the hammer down. SO I figure at least 135 to 140mph.. About half way into the curve the car starts to slide out form under me,, and me thinking I am the worlds best drive I try to apply the brakes kind of like road course cars do, only I did it a little to much. car got completley sideways went into a ditch ****** first and slid a good 100 yards on the roof and drivers side. Once it finaly stopped I unbuckled my seat belt, climbed over the back seat found the tire iron and busted the rear hatch and took off.. Little did I know everyone was looking for me. I ran a mile and a half back ot the party with a broken arm, broken nose, left ear almosr ripped off my head and bleeding like a stuck pig..

I felt like a total chaod but I got some scars from it and CHICKS DIG SCARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was just about Mark/Matt/Tom's age(in other words, I was but a poor lost young soul), and I was up skiing in the mountains with Ann, my live-in girlfriend.(you see, that's when this whole illicit cohabitation thing started to become all the rage back in the '70s, kids)

After skiing that day, Ann and I decided to go to the outdoor jacuzzi(yep! That's just about the time those things became all the rage too)

After sitting in the thing for about 45 minutes, consuming about 4 beers all the while, I mentioned to Ann that I was gettin' mighty heated(no, not THAT way...that was to come later), and she said, "Why don't you go dive in the snow over there and cool off then."(remember, the jacuzzi was outdoors)

Now, being a young man at the time, born and bred in Los Angeles(hasn't snowed here since 1959 or there abouts, ya know), I didn't know one was not supposed to dive head first into a snowbank because one never knows what is lying just beneath.

Well, there were concrete steps under that snow, with the whole upshot being I have a very nice 3 inch scar sittin' right above my hairline!(Yep! Shockingly, that hairline still hasn't receded up to that scar yet...nope, no Rogaine needed here, people)

Well gents, I have lmao for three pages now. Once I think I've found the best the next one has me in tears. I enjoyed some cold ones during and after the texas hold'em toury, but this stuff is a riot. At 52 I'd still be happy to throw down some with you if ever the chance came around but your stories remind of all my past sh..t and I'd make sure I was close to the hotel this time.

There was a time long time ago when I was real real green and on this merchant marine ship, a tanker, as a messman, and stopped in Coatzacolas (sp_) Mexico. I had to take a launch arcross the inlet to get to town. Ended up partying with these Norwegians till after midnight at a club. So we all had chicks from this club to go back with us, but the launches stopped at midnight. They had arranged with a launch to take us back but dipshit here didn't know it, and when I asked the price, well it was quite high and in my stupid "I'm a world traveller routine told the launch dude he was ripping us off, little did I know again that him taking chances breaking the law after curfew was great and should be compensated for such risk. So he turned the launch around and told the chicks to get off, and took me and those norwegians across the inlet back to our respective ships. Yikes, the looks on those big blonde boys faces could kill and I feel lucky to be alive cause I don't swim too well. God what an idiot I was. My ****** was puckered that whole trip across the inlet and down
that long long dock.

College . Late 70's . South Georgia . Bored . Cops in office huddled around heater on a winter night . Impale lit cigarettes on fuses of old style M-80's and tape to windows . Five minutes later a series of booms . Not good , not good at all .

Small town , middle Georgia . Late 70's , still bored . Hot night , cop sleeping in car with window down ( no AC ). Go back around the block again , revv up in 2nd gear , turn off switch , entire exhaust system fills with fuel , turn on switch right beside sleeping cop . Ensuing explosion was hillarious . Not to the cop or his backup . Not good . Not good at all .

Dear Boss Keene , I got my mind right .

I'm not telling, it's best left to the past and that former life. It did, however, involve copious amounts of Tequila, poor judgement and a second floor Hoilday Inn window in Saginaw...

OK, another one. Had moved to Sebastian. Fl. from Cocoa Beach to pursue a commercial fishing career.

One night after partying a little too much (and the last time I touched Tequila), I decided to jump into the back of my buddy's pickup. He had parked right next to a big log so easy-peasy, right? One foot on the log and the other will clear the side panel and into the truck I'd go, right?

Yep, you guessed it. The log rolled as soon as I touched it and WHAM! right into the side of the truck I went. Blood everywhere...

To top it off, we get stopped by a lady Sheriff down the road and my buddy starts maving a move on her! Her, calm as anything, asks if I can drive. I tell her yes (sure I can) and then she sees me:

"Sir, what happened to you?"
"I had a fight with this pickup, ma'am"
"Looks like the pickup won"
"Yes ma'am, it sure did"
<chuckle> "You boys get on home"

OK..Mine..tequilla..trampoline..topless..enough said..
Mark's on the other hand..quite a different story.
We were up at Lake Yona on the GA/SC boarder last summer. Mark had downed at least a 12pk of liquid courage and we were jumping from the rope over the lake. Mark decides to attempt a drunken "gainer" (don't ask me what that is because I have yet to have seen it successfully performed). "Hey ya'll watch this" Grabs the rope and off he goes. He gets out there ok and then realizes he's coming back in faster than he'd realized.
Option 1: Let go in sideways position about 12-15 ft over water
Option 2: Smack into rock cliffs
That's a no-brainer...so into the water sideways he goes. Comes up gasping for air (lungs evacuated on impact)I in my infinite unsober wisdom yelling at him to breathe. Needless to say he was quickly sobered up and his whole side armpit to thigh was bruised for a week.
"Hey ya'll watch this" moments are abundant in our house.

We're all winners!

The Winner
Bobby Bare

The hulk of a man with a beer in his hand he looked like a drunk old fool
And I knew if I hit him right why I could knock him off of that stool
But everybody they said watch out hey that's the Tiger Man McCool
He's had the whole lotta fights and he's always come out winner yeah he's a winner

But I had myself about five too many and I walked up tall and proud
I faced his back and I faced the fact that he had never stooped or bowed
I said Tiger Man you're a pussycat and a hush fell on the crowd
I said let's you and me go outside and see who's the winner

Well he gripped the bar with one big hairy hand then he braced against the wall
He slowly looked up from his beer my God that man was tall
He said boy I see you're a scrapper so just before you fall
I'm gonna tell you just a little bout what it means to be a winner

He said now you see these bright white smilin' teeth you know they ain't my own
Mine rolled away like Chicklets down the street in San Antone
But I left that person cursin' nursin' seven broken bones
And he only broke ah three of mine that makes me the winner

He said now behind this grin I got a steel pin that holds my jaw in place
A trophy of my most successful motorcycle race
And each morning when I wake and touch this scar across my face
It reminds me of all I got by bein' a winner

Now this broken back was the dyin' act of a handsome Harry Clay
That sticky Cincinnati night I stole his wife away
But that woman she gets uglier and she gets meaner every day
But I got her boy that's what makes me a winner

He said you gotta speak loud when you challenge me son cause it's hard for me to hear
With this twisted neck and these migraine pains and this big ole cauliflower ear
And if it wadn't for this glass eye of mine why I'd shed a happy tear
To think of all that you gonna get by bein' a winner

I got arthritic elbows boy I got dislocated knees
From pickin' fights with thunderstorms and chargin' into trees
And my nose been broke so often I might lose if I sneeze
And son you say you still wanna be a winner

Now you remind me a lotta my younger days with your knuckles a clenchin' white
But boy I'm gonna sit right here and sip this beer all night
And if there's somethin' that you gotta gain to prove by winnin' some silly fight
Well okay I quit I lose you're the winner

So I stumbled from that barroom not so tall and not so proud
And behind me I still hear the hoots of laughter of the crowd
But my eyes still see and my nose still works and my teeth're still in my mouth
And you know I guess that makes me the winner

Some sorrority formal dance at the beach Spring of Freshman year at UNC. Another couple (my friend and date), my girlfriend, and I all drive down in his Honda Coupe. I forget to pack a certain little package of rubber baby preventative devices. After 12 or so hours of drinking, I realize my mistake and decide to compound it by asking for my friend's keys. Nearing a coma, he thinks nothing of it and hands them over to me. Girlfriend and I start driving and I become lost after about 5 minutes. At this point, I make mistake number three, and decide that the only thing left to do, being drunk and lost, is to start doing my Dale Earnhardt impression.

A long story short, I get pulled by a country boy deputy sherriff in Surf City, NC doing 98+ in a 25, 35, and 45 zone (actually written on ticket). While being cuffed, I make mistake number 4 and start singing "Surf City" by Jan and Dean. I pass breathalizer somehow and still get DUI, still unexplainable to this day. Deputy, who is sweet on my very drunk girlfriend (a div. 1A college swimmer ), let's her drive us back to the hotel.

I lose my license for 3 years (one by state, two by Dad). I also spend 24 hours later that year in solitary in the Pender County, NC jail.

I go on to graduate with honors 3.5 years later.

I can very easily picture that Ryan...well all except the graduating with honors part

Jennifer doesn't have swimmers build man.

So this was really you ?

1976 Vicinity of Yokota AB Japan. In those ancient of times myself and my mates spent most of our off duty time drinking and pursuing various forms of carousing.

One night outside of a small G.I. country western drinking establishment about ten minutes walk out the front gate of Yokota I became involved in a drunken bout of fisticuffs with a behemoth from the hydraulics section of the Field Maint Squadron. He was a huge specimen of an individual nick named statue body for his elaborate and storied musculature. He carried himself with great swagger and confidence in his physical prowess.

To make a long story short he came into the bar and he and myself and my buddies engaged in threatening drunken assortment of threats and counter threats which ended with me telling him to step outside.

The request to step outside was immediately accepted by statue body and as soon as got outside and squared off he hauls off with a powerful roundhouse which I in my drunken stupor managed to evade by ducking. I then struck one blow right to the bridge of statue bodies elegant shnozz and lo and behold the dynamics of my blow were as such to immediately break his nose in a nice spray of blood and pain. I won and we then left the vicinity as the bar owner had hailed the Japanese police.

We made it back to base without incident but it turned out that statue bodies friends had taken him to the base hospital to get his shcnozz reset. He of course told the hospital personnnel that he had beem most viciously assaulted without provocation.. The Air Police contacted my supervisor and I had to give myself up for possible assault and battery, I , of course, insisted it was a fair fight and I simply won. After the police talked to everyone else there that night they gave me the option of accepting a charge of assault or the option of simply taking the base level alcohol abuse program which consisted of watching a film on the evils of alcohol and counseling.

I took the alcohol abuse counseling. Even today I remember that single stroke to the schnozz of statue body.

I drank a little less often and with less vigor in the months that followed.

Statue body later was DEROSED early afer putting his fist through a reinforced barracks window. Turns out his drinking problem was worse than all of us put together.

Days of wasted yute.

OK, another one! Not a drunken one, just stupid.

Back in the day, I was a Boy Scout. On one of the many camping trips, one of us had brought some .22 caliber ammo. We didn't have anything to shoot them with until I noticed the top part of a tent pole. You know, the kind with the crimped down end? Jammed that sucker into the fire and we had us a whiz-bang mortar!! So we are merrily dropping .22s into the 'barrel' and a second or so later, POW! off goes the round through the trees! How cool!!

Until the owner of said tent pole came back into the campsite, spotted his now deflated tent, and the spied the tent pole in the fire. He marches up, looks directly into the pole and exclaims "What are you doing with my tent pole?!?"..... right after we had dropped a round it!!! Quick thinking and a hard shove saved him from getting a red dot on his forehead! We stopped after that.

I had been working on my '70 Bonneville back in my yute , while charging my battery nearby amongst a bunch of empty beer cans. A friend asked how I could tell if my battery had enough "juice". I said, "Easy, watch this", and laid a screwdriver across the terminals. I had heard of hydrogen, but hadn't heard hydrogen or seen any until that day. My friend said my head and shoulders were engulfed in a large blue flame for about 1 second. We both heard ringing for 3 days. A very nice explosion, but thankfully no burns.
If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.

Isn't it funny how some of these stories with just a little twist of fate could have become major tragedies?

I think my guardian angel is drunk in a gutter somewhere

Thinking we're immortal? More like knowing we're immortal.