Bonneville America Forums Forums Off Topic Discussion Forums Lounge Joke of the day

A man was riding his Triumph along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish”.

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over any time I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!

It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little
more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when
she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothings wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy".
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Even the Lord knows the truth of the fairer sex. LOL.

Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin People to git cancer ?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she Was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he Gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer."
"But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin .... What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"






Just change Bubba for .....?

Q: Why did god create alcohol?
A: Because ugly girls need sex too.

Can I sue Playboy for Carpel Tunnel Syndrome?

Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Quote:

---

Top 10 Things Men Want from Women:

1.

You can probably guess.

---

This guy comes home at the end of a hard day at work. His beautiful lady greets him at the door with an ice cold beer, wearing her loveliest negligee, and holding some silken cords.
"Baby," she purrs, "You can tie me up and then do whatever you want."

So, he enjoys his beer, ties her up....and goes off for a ride on his Triumph.

3 couples move into a new parish wanting to become part of the community and join the local church.
On meeting the local man of the cloth, each are asked to under-go a small yet significant task to demonstrate there commitment to the church… “Abstain from s*x for 30 days and ye shall be considered as worthy for our parish…” ( Ok maybe getting carried away here but you get the drift).

30 days later and the holy father has them all back at the church for a progress report..
The first couple, an older pair, stated they hadn’t had nuptials since England last won the world cup, 30 days wasn’t an issue and they’d been “clean” over the last month.
“You’ve demonstrated your commitment to the house of God my sons and you’re welcome to our church” said the father.

The second couple, middle aged with two kids, reported struggling during the 30 days, but what with the kids interrupting and very little time, managed to refrain from any “domestics” for the 30 days.
“You’ve demonstrated your commitment to the house of God my sons and you’re welcome to our church” again said the father,

The third couple, married for a few weeks and still clearly only having eyes for each other said “ We tried Father, but one afternoon my wife bent over the fridge in her mini skirt, stocking tops showing and I finally gave way and had her there and then…”
“I’m sorry” said the Father, You’ve not demonstrated your commitment to the church and are not therefore welcome in our house of God”.

The couple hung there heads in shame, “ I’m not totally surprised” piped up the woman, “ we’re not exactly welcome in Tesco’s either….

Seems there were three FBI recruits ready to take their final exam. On consecutive days they arrived to find a large cargo container in the training yard. The tester told them each in turn "Following orders is the most important thing you can learn. Inside this container you will find your spouse tied to a chair. Here's your sidearm. You will go in and kill your spouse so we'll know you will always follow instructions."

The first guy just hands back the gun, saying there was no way he'd follow those orders. "You've failed the test. Pick up your gear and go home," he was told.

The second guy went into the container, but came out a few minutes later, crying, and said, "I really want to be an agent, but I just can't do it." He was also told to clear out his locker and go home.

The third candidate was the only female of the test group. She was handed the gun and went into the container. A shot rang out, followed by a great deal of banging, noise, shouting, and general mayhem.

She comes out a few minutes later, and said, "Sorry, the gun you gave me was filled with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

ROTFLMAO

Top 10 Things Men Want from Women:

1.

You can probably guess.

---

Dinner?