 Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
so is anyone else drinking yet
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 248
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 248 |
Quote:
Two drunks walk into a bar....... and one drunk has a monkey on his head.....
 the other a pink hat......
My mind and body are still out of tune
I hope they run into each other real soon "
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 75
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Member
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 75 |
"Is that a monkey on your head or did your momma slap the ugly out of you?"
Homer
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
momma cant sla hard enough to knock the ugly outa me,
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,297
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,297 |
Quote:
so is anyone else drinking yet
I thought the monkey was supposed to be in my pants in the dive bar? I always get that wrong. 
In Between the Dark and the Light..
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 75
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Member
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 75 |
Is that a PICKLE in your pocket...not a monkey!
Homer
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
ill buy u a razor 4 chrsitmess.
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 12,164 Likes: 1
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 12,164 Likes: 1 |
If the blue car is traveling South at 95 mph, the train train is traveling East at 130 mph, there are 120 acres of corn 60 miles north of the intersection of 5th and main how many tricycles are in the Smith's garage between noon and 3:00pm?
Soren
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 75
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Member
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 75 |
i think I'm in over my head.
Homer
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 9,223
Big Bore
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Big Bore
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 9,223 |
Quote:
If the blue car is traveling South at 95 mph, the train train is traveling East at 130 mph, there are 120 acres of corn 60 miles north of the intersection of 5th and main how many tricycles are in the Smith's garage between noon and 3:00pm?
Yes
"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity" - Robert Heinlein
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
fill the correct answer is none, because were all hammered out ridin um.
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 9,223
Big Bore
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Big Bore
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 9,223 |
"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity" - Robert Heinlein
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 9,223
Big Bore
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Big Bore
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 9,223 |
You really think I am going to reply with 'maybe'?
HAH!! Not on your.......
DOH!!
"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity" - Robert Heinlein
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 75
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Member
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 75 |
castigation is a hard one to take
Homer
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 75
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Member
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 75 |
Homer
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017 |
Been 3 1/2 hours since I went to bed...sure bet another beer would make me feel better right about now.
Mark
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 670
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 670 |
I think it's gonna be lunch and then off to drink for the rest of the day. Get an early start and avoid the rush!! Quote:
Been 3 1/2 hours since I went to bed...
On a binge, or typing in your sleep?? And what's with this "slap" BS? I thought you were a friendly drunk?? 
later, Tom.
But, what do I know?
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017 |
Quote:
I think it's gonna be lunch and then off to drink for the rest of the day. Get an early start and avoid the rush!!
Smart man! I'll have one for ya later.
Mark
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
Quote:
I think it's gonna be lunch and then off to drink for the rest of the day. Get an early start and avoid the rush!!
Lucky!
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
ahaha I should have bet money that both of us would have quoted that line within 5 mins of its posting.
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017 |
that'll happen...I got a cold 30-rack of Genessee cream ale that has my name on it...you should come help
Mark
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
You dirty tease! Genesee is my magic word.
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017 |
if you leave now, there still might be some when you get here
Mark
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
If I did that then there would be know way I could make Brewfest tommorw.
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017 |
aahhh...Brewfest
Make sure to stop at the Yuengling booth...they REALLY took care of us last year. They were giving out twice as much as anyone else would put in the cups. Then at the end of the day they were serving by the pint...bet we had at least 7 pints off of them alone.
Mark
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
Dont worry buddy ill def. be there! There were a few other really good ones that took care of us...I just wish I could remember. That crazy old guy with the huge handle bar mustache...
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 12,164 Likes: 1
Should be Riding
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Should be Riding
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 12,164 Likes: 1 |
If people in Australia are from Down Under, are we from Up Over?
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 4,541
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 4,541 |
Quote:
If people in Australia are from Down Under, are we from Up Over?
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy, opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me, they're cramming for their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
29. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÃÂVE
30. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
31. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
32. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
33. There are three religious truths:
Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters
Arsenalfan. AKA Mark Able
Seller of fine automobiles.
Jaguar, Land Rover, Porsche of Chattanooga
423-424-4000
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017 |
HEY...back to drink talk!
Mark
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
Quote:
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 670
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 670 |
10 minutes to pack up the laptop here at work, and head out. First stop "Sailors Choice" for a bacon cheeseburger all the way, and a beer or 3. Then drink and pack until Sunday morning, then off to beautiful downtown Albuquerque for 3 weeks. Does Albuquerque sound funnier the more you drink??  later, Tom.
But, what do I know?
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017 |
Sailors Choice?
I'm not even gonna ask...
Mark
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
Sounds like a place where they swab d*cks...
* = E
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 730
Adjunct
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Adjunct
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 730 |
oh jeeze, the sailor jokes, ok, let's hear em
Let my dying thought be that every mile was fun and let my tombstone read,"They never made one fast enough for me."
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047
Oil Expert
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Oil Expert
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,047 |
Ahh dont worry seamen were just teasing!
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017 |
Quote:
oh jeeze, the sailor jokes, ok, let's hear em
you want sailor jokes, eh?
Mark
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017
Loquacious
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Loquacious
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,017 |
Why do Navy ships have Marines on them?
Mark
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Re: The Matt and Mark show
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,193
Learned Hand
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Learned Hand
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,193 |
Quote:
Why do Navy ships have Marines on them?
sick boys
It starts with an innocent thread, then there's a clothing line, next it's the rally circuit (or circus?)....
"Let your soul shine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
****** sure better than rain."
-ABB
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